You Can Have Your "Pie" And Eat It Too: A Lesson In Comparison

You Can Have Your "Pie" And Eat It Too: A Lesson In Comparison

Why saying "I'll have what she's having" leaves us feeling unfulfilled
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I’m taking too long to decide. My eyes are darting around the table trying to compare everyone else’s order. I really want the homemade salted caramel pie but the rest of the table wants the white chocolate cheesecake.

There’s nothing about white chocolate that I enjoy.

The waiter walks over and in a moment of panic, I quickly blurt out I’ll have what she’s having!

A few moments later, the waiter returns with a tray of white. No richly flavored, light brown, salt-flecked pie in sight.

There’s no pie in sight because I didn’t order the pie. I ordered the cheesecake, like everyone else. Rookie mistake.

As the cheesecake is placed in front of me and while everyone is diving in with their mmmms and aaahhhs, I reluctantly take a bite and think to myself this would be so much better if the white chocolate was salted caramel and if the cheesecake was pie.

I’m going to venture to say that in one shape or form, we’ve all experienced an “I’ll have what she’s having” moment. Whether it was when you were grabbing lunch with your salad-obsessed friend and you ordered a bowl of measly, leafy greens when you knew that all you really wanted was the featured sandwich that had smoked turkey with homemade walnut pesto, fried green tomatoes, topped with goat cheese and panini-pressed between two pieces of freshly made ciabatta bread. And you love crispy ciabatta bread.

Or, maybe your moment was when you decided you wouldn’t go to your dream school because that’s not where your parents “could see you going.”

We look to the left and look to the right only to realize that we’re alone in wanting the item we want or wishing to do whatever it is that we really wish we were doing.

We feel ashamed, maybe embarrassed or less than. To alleviate this discomfort, we imitate, compare, copy and sacrifice.

We take whatever the other person is “having” and try to bully it into being our own. We neglect the truth that most (if not all) of life is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Life is a situation that is messy, wild, nonsensical, exciting and way too short to spend time subjecting ourselves to decisions that are not our own when we often have the ability to do otherwise.

The saying that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” has always bothered me, especially when placed next to the saying “comparison is the thief of joy.” I believe that comparison leads to imitation which often leads to self-disappointment and suppression of our intrinsic wants and desires. When we push aside what’s best for us and replace it with what someone else has decided is best for their individual desires, we are compromising a piece of ourselves. This isn’t a small piece either. We are compromising a piece of individuality that has been earned through years of cultivating character and experiencing moments that lead us to understand what is and isn’t best for us.

When the rest of my table ordered the white chocolate cheesecake, they ordered it because they knew it would make them happy and they loved what that cheesecake had to offer. I ordered the white chocolate cheesecake because I didn’t like the idea of being the only one to order something else. Heaven forbid that I draw attention to myself for rewarding my stomach with what I knew it really wanted. Isn’t simply recognizing and accepting what you truly want (despite the influence of others) in any situation an achievement on its own? I think so.

This “cheesecake situation” is merely a vehicle for a much larger conversation. Instead of deciding to order whatever it is that our stomach may want, we go against our gut and blurt out I’ll have what she’s having to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

Ultimately, we experience more discomfort after we make a decision to ignore our internal desires than we do when we make a decision to listen to them. By ignoring these desires, we end up unsatisfied and uncomfortable. When we choose to listen, although we may still heed some degree of discomfort, we are satisfied and pleased that we listened to our gut and gave it what it wanted.

Next time you find yourself saying I’ll have what he/she is having, just remember that you can (and should) have your “pie” and eat it too.

Cover Image Credit: Sophia Winter

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23 Things That Defined Your Childhood If You Were A Late 90s/Early 00s Baby

Own that pony tail. Work that up-do!
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If you were born in the late 90s or early 00s then you grew up in the age of youtube, computer games, and Disney Channel. As we become adults, we are coming to the time what we love to reminisce on everything we played, watched, and listened to while we were growing up. We went through many stages of computer games: from Freddi Fish to PhotoBooth. If you are a millennial, you will know these 23 things as a huge part of your childhood.

1. FRED Youtube Videos

The annoyingly funny, fast-talking, youtube star, Fred, began the youtube craze that has yet to end.

2. Disney Channel Computer Games

Disney Channel's website had a plethora of games that we played for hours. Recently, BuzzFeed found links to the best of the best to let us relive our childhood.

3. The Amanda Show

Everyone's favorite show!


4. The Disney Channel Games

Our first (and best) version of the Olympics!

5. Webkinz

Let's face it. Most of us had 20+ Webkinz and spun the Wheel of WOW every day!

6. Space Jam

Classic movie turned frat theme.

7. Bon Qui Qui

"SECURITY. THIS MAN HAS GOTS TO GO."

You can follow Bon Qui Qui on Instagram @bonquiqui.

8. That’s So Sweet Life of Hannah Montanna


The crossover episode of a lifetime!

9. Razor phones

Everyone's dream phone.

10. Lizzie McGuire Movie

What could be better than Lizzie McGuire singing to Lizzie McGuire?

11. Can I Have Your Number

"The back of your head is ridiculous."

12. Neopets

Before Webkinz came around.

13. Tamagotchi

From keychain to Wii game, we had it all.

14. Bratz

The cool kids had Bratz dolls.

15. Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise

"Ron... Ron... Ron... Ron WEASLEY."

16. Charlie The Unicorn

This youtube video was oddly entertaining.

17. Club Penguin

When we weren't on Webkinz, we were on Club Penguin.

18. Guitar Hero/Rock Band

We were basically all rockstars.

19. Steve Irwin

RIP

20. Life With Derek

A forgotten treasure.

21. The Potential Breakup Song

Aly and AJ rocked it when they weren't busy working in a dairy factory.

22. The Clique

These book-turned-movies were epic.

23. Charlie Bit My Finger

OUCH CHARLIE.

Although the youtube craze hasn't ended, it sure has changed!

Cover Image Credit: @alyandaj

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You Get What You Need, Not What You Want

What challenges us changes us for the better.
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Here I am. Sand beneath my feet, wind brushing between my arms, and knee deep in the ocean. I inhale the salty, sea breeze that fills my lungs, and gradually submerge myself in the water. I take special note to the way each strand of seaweed gently glided past my skin. I noticed the way the seagulls on shore gathered in flocks when food was near.

Sometimes, I'll stop mid task and think about all the ways in which my life unfolded, and how it materialized the way it did. Not often, but sporadically, I'll wonder how certain experiences ended so horribly wrong, and how others, went so perfectly well.

During tumultuous times, it is easy to fall prey to the idea that life simply isn't fair. In many cases, that may be true, life isn't fair. Life has a special way of marking us with unpalatable hardships, hardships that if survived, create an inner confidence that you may never have experienced, had you remained in your comfort zone.

Challenges are a part of everyday life. They test you and they empower you to find out what you're capable of. When something comes too easily to us, it becomes easy to take it for granted.

How can we truly appreciate something we didn't earn?

Life has a way of testing your mental strength when you least expect it. These tests can come in any form. For some, the challenge is doing well at school, for others, it is getting a grip on financials.

But, regardless of the challenge, facing up to it is key; dealing with your strifes head on. Doing so will teach you what you're capable of, when the cards are down and a situation seems too bleak to change, and yet you persevered.

I remember countless nights which I laid on my back, gazing out my bedroom window, and dreamt of a world where certain past events never happened, where teenage girls weren't catty and where boys treated all girls with respect, regardless of attraction. I dreamt of a world where the deaths I'd experienced been undone, and my friends and family reigned in harmony. What I dreamt of was a fantasy world.

The most important lessons I’ve ever learned, have come from some extremely difficult times. I didn’t know it in the moment, it can be next to impossible to see the purpose of our struggles when we’re in the deepest, darkest corner of the pain. But if it’s there, you'll never know how strong you until it truly matters.

I remember one summer I was living in a small, rural village in Guilin, China. I was initially petrified of venturing out across the globe, without knowing a single soul in the region. The first night I arrived at my host families apartment, and as I realized that they didn't know a word of English, my heart sank. And yet, I was able to adjust to a kind and loving family, a family who welcomed me into their home, who tried to accommodate me in any way they could, and as a result, my language skills flourished.

Although my heart raced each time I spoke with a local, I can say with utmost certainty that I have never experienced true confidence quite like having a conversation with a local in China. I remember the first time I attempted to buy an apple from a fruit vendor, and she had no idea what I was saying, regardless of how hard I tried to pronounce the proper tones. The next day I returned, bought an apple and this time, she understood a little bit more. I would continue to buy an apple from her everyday for the remainder of my time in Guilin, each time speaking with her more and more.

I was by no means in my comfort zone, and yet, I have never experience peace quite like rural China. I remember one weekend, a few of my western friends and I had gone down to the Li River, and hired a bamboo raft guide to take us through the mountain ranges.

From the vivid, crystal blue water, it resembled a painting we were floating through. I could imagine to the water colors flowing to and fro from the paint brush and the grand mountains ran from the artists finger tips into the sunset. Colors and textures flourished and created a landscape of true beauty.

Trees covered the shores grey and blue rocks. The suns rays lit the land and reflected off the water and to the river boats that ran up and down the river. Bamboo logs painted with browns, greens, oranges, yellows and reds contained countless small and insignificant people. No one could tame, or capture, or recreate the landscape on the grand scale in which it was created. And no foreigner, or local Chinese man giving guided passages could possibly put a price on the region.

I laid on the edge of the raft, as we gracefully followed the stream's current.The intense sun rays soothed my skin, and eased my mind. The raft smelt of pine, seashore, and cooked rice. My feet draped off the bottom of the raft and splashed my lower shins as they floated through the water.

One of the people I was with water colors flowing to and fro from the paint brush and the grand mountains ran from the artists finger tips into the sunset. Colors and textures flourished and created a landscape of true beauty.

The harsh sun rays melted away my thoughts as we gracefully followed the rivers rhythm. It smelt of pine, seashore, cooked rice and whatever else China smelt like. My feet hung off the end of the raft and splashed my lower shins as they floated through the water. It felt like heaven in an instant.

Know that there is a reason to why we’re here, even when things get hard. It’s comforting to me, right now, as I have moved through some of the most heartbreaking, and beautiful moments of my life.



I can recall the moments of injustice that I had previously suffered at the hands of close friends. I can recall the kindness I'd been shown by total strangers. I can think back and pull up over a dozen past experiences in which life showed me an obstacle, and after finding a solution I felt stronger for it.

When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy, which produces positive emotions and improves performance.

The people closest to us show us the way by triggering the old, the unconscious, the pain. Running from difficulty because it is challenging is missing out on the greatest learning. Daydreams turn to nightmares and nightmares turn to daydreams and round and round it goes until we make peace with where we are and who we are here with the epitome of mental strength—seeing opportunity and taking action when things look bleak.


Running from difficulty because it is challenging is missing out on the greatest learning. Daydreams turn to nightmares and nightmares turn to daydreams and round and round it goes until we make peace with where we are and who we are here with. At the end of the day… It’s all love.

Don’t miss out on it by looking the other way.


“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym


I believe the universe will never give you anything you can’t handle.







Cover Image Credit: personal

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