If anyone read the title in Taylor Swift's singing voice circa 2008, you're definitely winning at life.
Oh yes, the classic "I'm in love with my best friend and he's in love with someone else but I'm way better for him. He just hasn't realized it... yet" scenario. We all jammed to the song, we all pictured the guy, and we all know how badly we wanted Tay (or maybe even ourselves) to get the guy, but this title might be a little misleading. This is to you and about you, best friend. I really think you need to read this.
This is not about being in love with your best friend and him being blind to the fact he really is in love with you.
This is to you, best friend of the guy you love, who may or may not be dating someone else.
You need to tell him (or her) now. Well, maybe not right now, but soon, and here's why:
The guy I fell for is now dating his very best friend.
We are told about our intuitions. We are told to trust our gut because they usually do not fail us. This instance was no different. I remember a specific conversation my ex and I had on this very issue. I expressed to him that one of his best girl friends was totally in love with him! They had a freakishly strong connection. You absolutely could not deny their chemistry. But to him it was no big deal. It was never him who sparked the flame of the flirtation, and he said that was just their friendship. That was just how she was. But the way she looked at him, the way she tried to become buddy-buddy with me, and the way she brought up every inside joke she could, when I was around, I noticed right away, I was that girl at one point. So I wasn’t angry. I mean, how could I be angry? I loved him the same way for all the same reasons. So why would I be upset with her for noticing what I did, too? I just wanted him to clear my insecurity because I was nervous. But instead he called me jealous and crazy, and said he could never see her as anything more than a friend. Guess the saying holds true, you should never say never. I am happy for them now. I am happy that he finally woke up and saw what everyone else did and that "what you're looking for has been here the whole time" as Taylor sang. I am happy she got what she’d been wanting, probably for a very long time. But the bone I have to pick with her, the bone I have to pick with you, best friend, the question that has kept me up late for a while now -- why could you not have spoken up sooner?
I understand the fear of rejection. I understand the fear of “ruining” your friendship or their current relationship. I’m not asking you to go to a guy who is dating someone and confess your love, but if you loved him before her, why? As the girlfriend, we see it from day one, how you look at him, how much you love him, and how you might really want to be happy for us. We see how you want to be friends with us just so you can hold onto the friendship with him. It’s all so pointless. Watching him (or her) walk in and out of relationship after relationship and keeping your mouth shut.
I have been that best friend, the one who’s in love with the guy she can’t have. I get it, I really do, but I talked to him. He did not choose me. He chose someone else. He is getting married this summer, and I am so happy for him.
So now every ex-girlfriend who lives that moment the guy she loved (or still loves) moves on -- to his best friend -- here’s the pain bearing on her heart:
You, best friend, knew you loved him. You knew all those deep conversations you started just to know him more. You know the desire hidden in every joke and every meal you shared. You knew what you wanted, and what you hoped for while he loved someone else. You knew who he really belonged with, and you pursued it. But you had your chance. You had every chance before her to say something and save her from the hurt, but I guess that's it. You really don't care if it hurt her, and that's my problem with you.
You didn't care she loved him, you didn't care that they talked about rings, children, jobs, a real future (he brought up most of those conversations, by the way). You don't care he told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to him. You didn't care that it was a waste of her time. And I bet you still don't care he has a piece of my heart tucked away in all the gifts, letters, and memories stored somewhere deep in a closest or tucked in some corner of his mind. All you care about is that you finally got what you wanted and I finally got out of the picture. I can't blame you. How could I? I loved him just as much. I saw what you did. I loved what you did. How could you not be happy that after a serious relationship, where you thought you might lose him, turned into you gaining him? I just have a hard time coping with why you didn't speak up before I came around. You could have saved me from this hurt. You could have spoken up, knowing you were the best thing for him. You could have saved the next girl from having heartbreak and confusion.
Best friend, do not be patient and wait to see them walk in and out of every relationship possible before they finally wake up to see it is you. Do not buddy up with every significant other and fake your happiness for them. Do not wait. Stop keeping your mouth shut, because when you two are finally together, it's going to hurt someone. You have a voice and you have every freaking right to keep your best friend from all the wrongs if you know you're right for them. So the time may not be now, but it needs to be soon. Yeah, you might get rejected, but at least you won’t waste anymore of your time. Yeah, you might get the answer of your dreams, he finally admits he feels the same, and you will have saved the next girl. So take it from the girl on the other end. Please don’t wait.
Much Love. Many Blessings.
SammiBelle