As I write this, I am extremely tired.

Day in and day out, I put forth as much effort as my mind and body will allow me to try to do well for myself, whatever that means. I can't remember the last time I felt fully relaxed, and I've started finding grey hairs in a messy sea of brown.

But don't let me fool you: I love hard work. I live for the feeling that I'm accomplishing something and being productive. Given the choice, I think the only thing I'd change about my workload is taking more classes so I can get my degree faster and begin my career. The work is not what truly exhausts me.

What's killing me, what's got me nodding off at 6:33 p.m. on a normal Thursday, is my environment. The people I'm around, the words that are spoken, the negativity that is spread, the sorrows of each and every new tragedy that so often present themselves at the worst of times, and the lack of inspiration for a better tomorrow that has become commonplace in this depressing small town. I'm so tired in my heart and my mind that my body has all but given up on trying to keep going.

I so often just want to quit. Quit both of my jobs, quit my health journey, quit writing--because when the world around you is so desolate, it seems absurdly selfish and pointless to put so much thought into to bettering your own situation. My negative environment has caused some slack in my grades as well as my writing. Bad surroundings really have a way of consuming your every fiber, until you're where I'm at: sitting at a public library just so you don't have to be at home, struggling to find enough light inside you to be productive.

But there is something that, without fail, keeps me from falling flat.

This is something that people so often forget when times are hard: you are not your situation. It's a bad day, week, or hell, maybe even a bad year, but it is not a bad life. Humanity would never have continued to thrive through bouts of starvation or disease or economic hardship if there were not a little light inside each of one of us that drives us not only to survive, but to live.

That being said, I feel it important to remind myself and others that you can help people, you can devote your life to helping others find their light, but you can't let those who refuse to let their light shine--to overcome the obstacles they face--dull your light. It's sort of like when flight attendants doing safety demonstrations tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others; you cannot better someone else's situation while you suffocate.

Life is excruciatingly painful sometimes. There is so much hurt, sadness, and pain that oftentimes we forget that the drive to fight and keep going lives within us. As the always-wise Albus Dumbledore said, "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." Don't be so hard on yourself. Your circumstances do not, nor will they ever, define you. Keep shining your light.