My anxiety is a part of me. It is not my favorite part of me, for sure, but it is part of me nonetheless.
I have struggled with anxiety since middle school. Before my diagnosis, I was confused and scared as to why I was feeling the things I was feeling. The racing thoughts, nervousness, nausea, etc. only gave me more anxiety. Funny how my symptoms of anxiety gave me more anxiety. My life was full of unexplainable ups and downs for a while. But once I was able to give a reason for my negative condition, I was able to start taking care of myself so much better.
Part of being able to admit that my anxiety is part of me came from a lot of time learning to accept my mental illness. No one wants to carry a burden like this, especially one that can pop up unexpectedly and put you in a bad place. But at the same time, I have found that through the struggles of coping with my anxiety, I am way stronger than I thought. Every time I would encounter an obstacle in my life that would cause a lot of anxiety, I would have the common reoccurring thoughts of “I don’t know how to handle this” or, “I can’t do this anymore.” Yet here I am today, with so many wins under my belt, and so many reasons to believe that I can overcome whatever comes next.
I have a few pieces of advice to anyone else out there in a similar situation to myself. Don’t suppress it, don’t apologize for it, and don’t be ashamed of it.
Holding in your emotions and worries will only allow them to resurface. They’re like little kids; if you ignore them when they are calling on you, they’ll keep coming back stronger and louder. Allow yourself to feel anxious when you do, and then do something to help lessen that anxiety. Breathe slowly, relax your body, and maybe even remove yourself from the situation. It will take time to learn what works best for you, but it is necessary to know what you can do to help yourself feel better when anxiety creeps in.
Do not ever feel bad for having a condition that is out of your control. Most times, a mental health disorder is genetic or biological, meaning it is unavoidable. The people that truly love you and care about you will not delegitimize your feelings. They will support you and do what they can to make sure you are getting to a better place.
You are not alone. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in America and affect 40 million adults. There is no reason to be embarrassed about the way your body and brain react to certain things. Embrace your flaws and learn to love every part of yourself- even the ones that are hardest to love. Once I accepted that my anxiety is part of who I am, I felt so much freer. My hope for those struggling with an anxiety disorder like I do, can accept it and give it the care it deserves.
