You Abused Me, and I'm Done
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Health and Wellness

You Abused Me, and I'm Done

You can never save someone by letting them destroy you.

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You Abused Me, and I'm Done
Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Free-falling. That is the best and only way I can describe our relationship. A constant state of free-falling into the unknown. Never sure of what words may come out of your mouth or what actions you may take. You and me, we have always been unpredictable. I can't do it anymore. I can't take the constant push and the pull. The volatility and hostility that lies between you and me have broken me down to places where I never thought I'd go.

These are my words to you, wrapped up in a pretty little unaddressed envelope. The words I have needed to say for so long and words I have said so many times. But now, I have more to add.

"I am letting you go."

You see, I never thought I'd have the courage to say it and actually go through with it. I tried to see the good in you; that small amount of good that even a microscope couldn't see. Maybe it was never there. But the blow-up fights and the tear-filled nights are telling me it's time to call it quits. They're telling me that it's time to stop straining my eyes to see the bit of good in you that doesn't exist.

I have drained every ounce of my sanity trying to carry on with the burden that we have unfinished business. For so long, I figured that there would come a time when that burden would crack and fate would do it's best to patch things up for us. I waited and waited, I tried so many times to crack it myself. This time, I succeeded, but not in any way, shape, or form that I had thought I would. Instead of bringing us together, it lit the last and final bridge into flames.

You are mean. You show great restraint when you choose not to strike the exact nerves that you know hurt the most. But when that restraint dissipates and you strike that chord, you are so cruel. It has taken me so long to see it, but I finally realize that our relationship isn't worth fixing when that threat will always be in the cards. I can finally say that I deserve better than that.

I am not perfect, nor am I flawless. I'm emotional, I can be irrational, and I can be mean too. There lies the difference between you and me. I can see my issues and I promise you that I am working on them, but you can't see yours. You and I have been through a lot of the same pain, but you use it as an excuse to hurt me. You use that pain as an excuse to hurt everyone. You ask everyone you meet to cut you some slack until enough slack has been cut between everyone you know and you see that as clearance for your bad acts both past and future. But I am done. I can't keep breaking off parts of myself to excuse your own broken parts.

I tried so hard to forgive you. Time and time again, I tried. I thought if I let it go maybe I'd heal or that there would be no more bad blood between us. I let you get away with hurting me because I thought it would fix us. You were one of two people who were supposed to be in my life forever; I thought it was my duty to fix your brokenness.

Fixing you was breaking me.

I think it was breaking me because you never changed. I did all of the changing while you only continued to hurt me. It took me a while to see the bigger picture and actually acknowledge it.

You abuse me.

Deep down, I always knew that. In some form or another, you were abusing me. Then, the pieces fit together like a puzzle. You turned my family against me — or at least tried to make me think they were against me. You called me names and said horrid things to me when you were upset. You slandered me and accosted me. You alienated me and isolated me. You used everything you could against me. Every bad thing you did to me was someone else's fault. Everything bad in your life was my fault.

You made me fear you. Every corner I turned, every face I saw, they were you. My body would lock up, my eyes would shut, and I tried to squeeze myself so small that I would disappear. If I were to tell you that, you'd call me a 'drama queen' and continue to harass me. I know, you've done it before.

I downplayed it for a while, partially because I didn't want to truly admit to myself just how bad it was. I thought that maybe parental/familial abuse didn't qualify for abuse at all. Each time it got bad enough, I figured that my lack of proof or, at least very little amount of proof would be contradicting of my point of abuse. That somehow, lacking in proof would create the ability to poke holes in what it was I had to say. I thought that people wouldn't believe me. You made me think that nobody would believe me because no matter what I said, you criticized me. You always made me feel like I was making it into a bigger deal than it had to be. Until now. Until I was able to show for what you have done to me. Maybe it was the text message of you calling me a 'selfish little bitch', Maybe it was the threat that you'd 'get ruthless'. All in the same breath, you provided me with every single detail I needed to prove to myself that it was time to walk away. That there was no helping you or fixing you. That was all I wanted to do when I reached out to you. I wanted to help you.

I'll admit, I got nasty in return with you. I said mean things and I dropped to your level, but this time, I'll forgive myself for that. For once, I finally got to say exactly what I had waited 20 years to say to you. I finally got to stand up to you, and damn it felt good.

But standing up to you doesn't take away the abuse. I hid from it, tried to pretend that it wasn't real or that it was my fault. But when I walked by the mirror the other day and saw myself crying because of you, I realized that your damage is not my fault. That you are unfixable and unchangeable and not even worth trying to help. You are a bitter drunk who is always hurting people to try to justify your pain, and I'm done.

I am DONE letting you say things to hurt me.

I am DONE letting you verbally abuse me.

I am DONE letting you scare me and threaten me.

I am DONE letting you always paint me out to be the bad one.

I am DONE letting you guilt me and disrespect me.

I am DONE letting you talk me down.

I am DONE letting you take away my life and isolate me.

I am DONE letting you downplay the ways you hurt me.

I AM DONE.

I will never again try to fix you or fix us. I will never again let you treat me like sh*t on the bottom of your shoe. I will never again allow myself to think that someday, things will be different. Things will never change, and I'm done.

You abused me, and I'm done.


Stop telling yourself you can fix him. He's been this way for a long, long time and he doesn't intend to change. Don't be a sacrificial lamb on the altar of his rage. Don't play the martyr to his hate. You can never save someone by letting them destroy you. That's not love, it's relational suicide. Save yourself instead. Get out while there is still time.

— John Mark Green


NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE
1-800-799-7233 & 1-800-787-3224




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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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