Yes, I Will Be Missing Out By Settling Down at 20

Yes, I Will Be Missing Out By Settling Down at 20

Because I refuse to settle any longer.
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I am a very selfish person.

It is by far on of my best qualities, right above nice legs and seductive charm.

(I am also very vain: Can you tell?)

My mother is the strongest person I know. I remember one of my best friends stood me up on a project we had to finish, and she told me: “the only person you can depend on is yourself.” When my first relationship metastasized and crumbled, my heart had to learn to become selfish as to whom I gave a piece of it to. I had to learn how to love myself more than others in order to protect the most important thing in my life: my sanity.

My entire childhood, I struggled to stick with a singular hobby or project: I wanted to do it all, to become a jack-of-all-trades, as opposed to a master of one (or even none). I would be-bop from swimming to dance, theatre and my part-time job, trying to juggle my life like a circus act. Not much has changed now, in regards to men and women: I want to do it all. College hookups are like an all-you-can-eat buffet: you felt shitty after you went, but couldn’t stay away, because there was so much to offer. Attractive males and females were literally crawling out of the cement dorm walls like cockroaches: I couldn’t have been giddier. How could I possibly give up that rush I get, for a routine?

I wasted a total of three years of my life in a relationship, equating to about four relationships total, each more extra-unordinary than the next. College is my time to worry about myself, which I obviously didn’t do enough of in high school. I want to be selfish. I want to grow as a person, and not focus on regular dates, feelings, and emotional baggage from others. I want to grow my emotional connections with friends and loved ones, as opposed to temporary band-aids that hold everything together. I want to have a time in my life that I am alone…and for once, happy.

I am not saying that I will never love, or find love. I have come to understand that I deserve real love, the kind that kills you, but the sweetest of deaths. I don’t know if I will find that in college, or later on in life, but I don’t care.

Because I refuse to settle any longer.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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To The Boy Who Made Me Love Again

Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love myself.

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To the boy who made me love again:

From the very beginning of our relationship, you showed me you were different. You showed me how I should be treated.

After dating someone for three years, falling in love was the last thing I wanted to do again. I did not want to grow close to anyone and fall in love with every little aspect of someone, but with you, it was so much different. You were different from other guys I had talked to. You have done small things for me that make me so happy. From offering to order me pizzas while I'm working to ordering me a key chain that says "drive safe," it's the little things you've done to make me love you.

During my previous relationship, I had come to a custom of pulling out my card to pay for dates and thought it was okay to accept the fact that good morning text did not exist. Every morning since we started dating, you never forget to text me good morning. We almost fight over who is going to pay, because I can't expect you to pay for every date. You have shown me what to expect in a relationship.

You never fail to make me happy. Whenever I say I'm hungry, you get me Mexican. When I want to watch Netflix, you immediately put on The Office. I can mention one thing I want and you buy it because you know it will make me happy. You give me forehead kisses and it puts a smile on my face. Whenever I am upset, you won't get off the phone until you figure out what is wrong and make sure everything is okay.

You make me feel beautiful. I can come over in leggings and socks and Birkenstocks or I can come over in a nice shirt and booties, but either way, you tell me I'm beautiful. Whenever I just wake up and look a hot mess, you look me in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful.

You always tell me to be careful whenever I'm driving and you make sure to tell me you love me every night before you go to bed. You remind me of things I know I'll forget and you literally read my mind. You motivate me with my schooling and tell me how proud you are of me when I make a good grade.

I never wanted to date again and I especially did not want to fall in love; however, you are everything I dreamed of wanting. I am so blessed to have met you and fallen in love with you. So to the boy who made me want to love again, I love you and thank you for everything.

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