I don't think it is..

This might sound strange, but one of the first things I do when I wake up in the morning is check my social media. It's that--yes I'm up, but don't technically want to get out of bed--stage. I procrastinate for about 15 minutes, and how better to procrastinate than to take a stroll down memory lane?

"On this day..."

I thoroughly enjoy thinking back to a certain day that I most likely forgot by now. It's fun to say: "Who would have thought two years later I would be at a park again but with someone new" or "My heart was so lost at this moment, and I remember exactly how I felt in that instant, and I'm genuinely so thankful I no longer feel that way."

It's even great to look back, 6 years ago, then 4, then 2, and see that each of those years were spent with different people. I like knowing how I've changed within those years. I like being able to see what kind of person I was when I was with each of them and if I ever miss that girl. Each time I feel a slight discomfort, not because I wish to go back, but because I hope the best for all of them and unfortunately have no way of knowing that's what they're getting.

To me, it's crazy to think how 6 years ago I was best friends with an entirely different person than I am today. The guy that was knocking at my door and surprising me with flowers is someone completely new, and it excites/scares me in ways I can't begin to explain to anyone.

If you would have asked me about the guy 6 years ago, 4, and 2, I would have told you I think they'd stay in my life forever. Call me naive, but when I become emotionally attached to someone, they immediately become embedded with my future plans for myself.

When I love, I love really hard. I put every ounce of emotion I have in my body into the soul of another human, in hopes that they'll love me back twice as much. So each year that goes by, when I'm able to look back on those days to see the relationships that didn't amount to anything-after giving everything I had-well it terrifies me.

I have learned with being terrified I have grown in ways 6, 4, and 2 years ago guys wouldn't understand. I've lost people that I loved, and I've formed connections with new people that I hope this time won't leave. In the process of this whole thing, I've learned that people do come and go, and sometimes you don't have control over it.

The quicker you, too, come to this realization, the less hard you'll try to keep people around.

Isn't it weird how you become so invested in a person's everyday life. You know their routine, starting from when they wake up in the morning, to what time they fall asleep at night. You sense their mood-good and bad. You know about their fears, and even know the secrets they chose not to tell any other soul. Then one day, it all stops. Life keeps going, and so do they. You have to learn to adjust to never knowing another secret about them but just hoping that wherever their lives take them, is wonderful.

Facebook reminds me everyday of the past endeavors that I shared with people I once loved. Even though today I'm not able to continue that adventure, I am able to look back and smile.