There have only been a couple of exes I've been completely heartbroken over.
That's not to say that the other failed relationships I was in didn't hurt after they ended, but there are certain people you click with better than others, even if you did officially date all of them. My last relationship was not one I was heartbroken over because I was trapped in abuse. In fact, the only feeling I felt after I broke it off was relief. However, that was the relationship that taught me the most, because that person was the one who was the most wrong for me out of all of them.
Here's the truth: If I didn't go through that horrible relationship, I would have never really found myself.
Now, I won't give that person enough power to look at them and be thankful for all I went through when I was with them just for the sake of character development. If I could have grown as a person any other way, believe me, I would have chosen it. But sometimes you have to deal with the cards you've been dealt and turn an absolutely horrible situation into something positive — or try as best you can.
If it wasn't for the abuse and mistreatment, I would have never learned what I'm actually worth.
Being treated like a burden, facing verbal, emotional, and mental abuse, and being told you're the reason for their dangerous mental health problems will definitely take a toll on you, whether you see it during the relationship or not. But, I guarantee you will come face-to-face with the reality of it after the relationship ends. It's inevitable. When normalcies are taken away from you, you notice the absence that takes their place. I learned that no matter who I'm with, I deserve to be treated as a priority and nothing less. The minute you feel like you come second to something, head for the hills because you deserve better.
If it wasn't for my last relationship, I would have never known how strong I really am.
Those coming out of abusive relationships have heard these questions before:
Why didn't you leave sooner?
Was it really that bad?
Did you deserve it?
Listen. Abusive relationships are terrifying for so many reasons, but one of the main ones is that you're trapped with someone you're scared of. Try making life-altering decisions that will negatively impact someone you're terrified of. You're not weak for staying in an abusive relationship, you're frightened for your wellbeing. But, for those who make it out alive, we can call ourselves some of the strongest people because we stood up for ourselves despite the fear, and I know that anyone who is out of an abusive relationship is rooting for the person who is trying to get out of one.
Dwelling in the past does not allow you to see the positives of the future.
My last relationship showed me anger, fear, frustration, and panic, but it also showed me strength, dignity, power, and self-love. In the end, I can say that dating the wrong person was actually the right choice because of the things I learned about myself. Was it worth it? It's a question I ask myself every day. But, there's only looking forward if you're looking to thrive.
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