Thanksgiving weekend was upon us; kids came home from school to spend time with family and continued with the tradition. I worked at my job in the morning and then traveled up the north shore to see my family. The drive wasn't bad, I spent the whole time singing Queen and Fleetwood Mac songs. After getting to my grandma's it consisted of a lot of laughs and making fun of each other which is a typical family get together. Afterwards, I drove down the street to house of one of my good friends. It was her birthday, so we decided to start drinking and watch a scary movie. After consuming two bottles of wine and a little bit of rum, we all decided to go to bed. I stayed up (naturally) and proceeded to do typical drunk things you shouldn't do. Below, you will read my drunken monologue that I wrote that very night.

1230 am - Being drunk and writing stuff. That's what I'm doing. Hello all, it's 1230 on Black Friday. Happy Thanksgiving (What?). I spent the beginning of the day working and ringing up customers who forgot shit. I got to leave at two and hang out with my family. I made my grandmother laugh hysterically because I was describing a creepy movie I watched while dry heaving in the process. I love my family. I ate too much. Afterwards I ended up going to my friend's house cause it's her birthday. We dusted off two big bottles of wine and then sum rum. Did I really just write "sum rum"? I'm not even going to bother changing it. By the way, my eyes are watering cause I'm laying down and it's making everything blurry. I'm not crying, I swear.

I definitely bought stuff off of Amazon. One click buy now sucks. Cause I buy now. At least it will be Christmas gifts but my dumbass can't remember what. My mouth is dry. Does anyone get like that when they drink too much? It's dry and I think I need to brush my teeth. Good call, Andrea. I just took a 4 minute long video and fell up the stairs in the process.

Things not to do when you're drunk:

Buy stuff off of Amazon

Buy stuff off of shitty websites

Record yourself

Engage in conversations with yourself about nothing (I'm not schizophrenic)

Attempt to drive (I NEVER do that)

Rely on autocorrect because it will mess you up.

Look up websites about adopting dogs

I want a dog so bad. I have 10 bearded dragons though. TEN. And they're awesome. My boyfriend and I share them. I love them all. When we get our own place I'm getting a dog. And it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine.

I feel like I'm writing a journal entry:

Dear diary, I got my period today.

Hello God it's me Margaret or whatever that fucking book was called. I read that in third grade I think. I also read Bridge to Terebithia and that book is stupidly depressing to read when you're 11 years old.

I believe the abrupt ending of this was when I passed out. In my opinion, reading this with a sober mind, I think I just had a typical drunk conversation that made no sense. Like if I were to have one with someone else. Ernest Hemingway wrote the majority of his novels under the influence and his works get read consistently over the years. I ended up doing a little writing experiment without even realizing it. I believe I did this once before, in high school, writing a final paper. I think I actually did good on it. Now, here comes the fun part. After learning about what I like to talk about while drunk (and while filming) here is a list of things of what to do and what not to do.

1.) Don't buy stuff off of Amazon.

The "buy now" button is dangerous. I bought a phone wallet case, just wanting one, but apparently bought two.

2.) Don't record yourself.

It's a little unsettling watching yourself drunk when you're sober. It's like the Twilight Zone.

3.) Do drink lots of water.

Dry mouth isn't fun. Especially when you complain to yourself about it.

4.) Your writing may or not be a masterpiece while writing intoxicated.

My writing drunk made me sound 12.


After having this impromptu experiment I realize that drunk, I am not in fact an outstanding writer. I am a good writer sober. It only helps to write about it, with a clean mind, like now.