Writing Has Allowed Me To Be More Of The Me I Want To Be

Writing Has Allowed Me To Be More Of The Me I Want To Be

It allows me to be as vulnerable, as transparent, and as open as I have ever wanted to be.


I am currently reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, one of my favorite authors, and I got to a part in her book that really resonates with me. She made a vow as a teenager to always write, no matter what she was going through or what she had been doing. Every day for just thirty minutes. She didn't care if she had nothing to write or if what she was writing was shit, none of that mattered. What mattered to her was getting to write and her writing improving, without that being a conscious end goal.

When I read about her writing I think about when I started writing poems in middle school. I think the "poem phase" is a phase that we have all been through and the lucky ones were just able to keep up with it. Or, possibly the lucky ones were just so deep into their head to keep up with it. Either way, I would say that I started expressing myself through writing then. I knew then I wanted to write more, but I didn't know how or where to go. Not until I was out of a bad relationship did I think that I have spent enough time sitting in my head. I wasn't sure how to start or where to start, and to be honest I had no clue what "The Odyssey Online" was. But here I am.

Writing has been ultimately the biggest outlet for me. If you have kept up with my articles you know I have talked in depth about my toxic relationship, you know how I feel about abuse, you know that parental infidelity had hurt me as a child, you know what I think about religion and being agnostic, you know where I currently am in this world, you know my views on suicide, you know how I deal with anxiety, and you know how I feel. For some, this means that I have shared my personal business with strangers, which is looked down upon, but to me, it has been much more than that. I have reached a part of me that I have not been able to in the past. I am not sure if it is being vulnerable and transparent that has helped me reached this level of me or everyone who has ever thanked me for any of the articles I have written. To know that I have reached so many people means much more to me than anyone could ever imagine.

Maybe it's a bit of both. One thing that Gilbert does mention in Big Magic is that one should never write to help others or with the intention to help anyone but themselves. And sometimes, when I go to write I think about other people before I think about myself, and that makes it hard to write. Not that I don't care about other people or that my feelings should always come first, but I know how it feels to write. Writing everything that I feel - pain, anxiety, heartbreak, happiness, and even the joy of discovering new places - is for me, and knowing that others can resonate with that, is just a bonus. Writing for me is how it feels to finally do something right. That all that you have endured as a person has led you up to this moment, and for once you feel like you have a bit of reason. But I know that writing doesn't make everyone feel that way and I know that writing about my business and my family's business isn't what someone would think is a good idea, but that is okay cause it's my life to heal, not your's or their's.

Writing has allowed me to express myself in more ways than I could have imagined. And not just here, but anywhere. I used to write how I'd feel or what I would think during lectures in school, and I still write in a journal. I don't always write when I want to but I know how it feels after I write and I know what it does for me. It allows me to be all that I have ever wanted to be. It allows me to be as vulnerable, as transparent, and as open as I have ever wanted to be. As weird as this is, I want people to see right through me. Nothing to hide, nothing different, nothing new, nothing they would ever be surprised about, they can just take one look at me and think what they'd like. And as troubling as that might be for some, it's the most liberating part of my writing.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.

You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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How To Avoid Getting Sick Your  Freshman Year

It's going to take a little more than an apple a day.


College is the prime time and place to catch a cold... or worse. Although, somehow I managed to crack the code to health and not get sick my whole first year of college. This is surprising considering I was living in the close (and very unsanitary) quarters of a dorm room.

1. Keep your diet somewhat healthy


I know how hard it is to eat healthy in college, especially on a low budget. But with the dining hall foods, you can at least include some vegetables and fruits into your everyday consumption. The vitamins in these foods will help keep your immune system up and it will be worth the effort.

2. Try to exercise a few times per week


Even if you're just getting out of the dorm for a thirty minute walk, it will benefit your body. If you decide to up your routine from that, even better! The more endorphins, the more you will feel better inside and out.

3. Cut back on the drinking if you feel a cold coming on


Surprisingly, many college students don't seem to know that alcohol lowers your immune system. Of course, for some people theres no way of avoiding drinking. But if you can at least give your body rest days, it will be extremely beneficial.

4. Invest in a dehumidifier for your dorm room


I believe this was a very big player in helping me not get sick. The dehumidifier helps reduce dust and other particles in the air. This will help not agitate your allergies and you will feel more clear headed.

5. Try not to share personal products


Sharing things like towels, makeup, unwashed cups, etc. can all be causes of a sickness being passed around you and your friends. Of course sharing is caring, just make sure it's sanitary.

6. Be conscientious of who you kiss!


Make sure that your girlfriend, boyfriend, or "its complicated" person is not sick before you're getting cozy with them.

7. Drink lots of green tea!


Personally, I credit green tea and its anti-oxidants for keeping the flu away and even getting rid of bugs that might be forming in your system. So if you feel like you might be developing a cold, chug that tea!

I know how annoying these tips may be. But I promise, if you implement at least a few it could reduce your chances of feeling horrible during midterms in the winter, and sneezing all over your finals in the fall.

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