Your life may be perfectly fine, but that doesn't mean you are
I think naturally there is a subconscious need for reason and sense when it comes to our emotions. We believe we need a valid reason to feel happy, sad, or even angry. Well, that isn’t the case for almost half of the people suffering with mental illness. Either spontaneously or genetically, some people can just be depressed. I know personally, this conflicted me the most. I would go visit my psychiatrist or therapist, and they would always ask me if something happened to me that made me get into this headspace I was in. I would always say no, and I simply felt that no one believed me. This is when I had to come to the realization that the answer doesn’t have to be yes. Not everyone surrounding you is going to understand this, but I promise there are people who do. Talk to them, your emotions are just as valid as anyone else’s, even if you cant explain where they bloomed.
Getting medicated is not an easy process
In my sophomore year of high school, I was put on my first round of medication. Beforehand, I was only told I should feel better soon, and if not to call my doctor. I had no prior knowledge of how this would affect me mentally, and physically, and I feel like people avoid this part of recovery. There are various side effects which include vomiting, nauseau, uncontrollable shaking, insomnia, extreme fatigue, and suicidal thoughts with pretty much any mood – stabilizer/anti – depressant. The extent of these is what really surprised me. I would get sick every morning before school, then it would continue throughout my day. I tried to act like nothing was happening, that I could handle it, but honestly it is so tough. You will go through this huge rollercoaster, extreme highs where you finally feel a sense of relief and the mess are working, and extreme lows where you almost feel like you are back at square one. It is exhausting, and not at all a glorious or beautiful process. But despite this, it was the best decision I have ever made. It took more changes in medication than I knew was possible, but my Senior year I finally was stable, and I know that it was worth every single bad day. One more thing I learned that I believe many others can is the length of medical treatment. There are millions, if not billions, of chemicals that go into our mood and perception. Every single case is different. There is no way to know what medication can help your inbalance, and sadly, it takes a lot longer than most of us hope. So if you are going through this currently, or you are scared to start medication, just know it is going to be challenging, but you will come out strong in the end as long as you hold onto hope!
I am lonely, but I am not alone
Loneliness is one of the main symptoms of depression. Again, there isn’t always an explanation for this feeling. I used to walk the halls in school, or even go to the grocery store, and I could swear everyone would look past me. Sometimes I was even convinced I didn’t exist, and I . No one can tell you that you aren’t lonely, because its not always visible. You can be in a crowded room full of hundreds of people, and either mentally or physically, you just feel an immense amount of isolation. I had to face this alone, because it was causing me to totally detach myself from everyone I knew and loved. I didn’t believe I meant something, I didn’t feel seen, so this healing process was ultimately left up to me. I think the moment that saved me from the emptiness was when I went to an institution. I know, sounds intimidating, but that’s when you can physically see proof that you are not alone. I got to hear children’s stories, and sometimes nurses would come and ask me about my own. This sparked something in my mind, and I’m so glad it did. I realized that although I am lonely, I am not alone. If you are feeling this way, please talk to a friend, family member, or a loved one. There is always someone to prove that little voice in your head wrong!