Even On Your Worst Days, I Hope You're Doing Alright

Even On Your Worst Days, I Hope You're Doing Alright

I hope you have things figured out now and you're happy.
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I hope you finally realize how great you are and I do care.

I wish all of the hurt in your life could’ve worked itself out. I can hold grudges sometimes, but things happen the way they do for a reason.

I can only call you the worst so many times before people start to think that I feel some other type of way about you. For a while, I was messed up and I know you were too. I said a lot of things that I really didn’t mean or I called you when I really had nothing to say.

I just want you to know that I really do care and I know we're not friends anymore and we don’t have any contact. You probably try not to think about me and I try not to think about you.

Really, it’s easy for me to not think or acknowledge what I did wrong.

I don’t blame you. I know you had a lot of pain.

You were only trying to help me and I was only trying to help you.

I hope you’re OK and I hope you have things figured out now.

You’re stronger than you think and I hope for better days for you. I hope one day you can stand up and accept all the pain in life and work through it. I know you’ll make it.

Please, never give up because I know you’ll make it.

I don’t know when I’ll stop writing about you because you came into my life so unexpectedly, but I’m different now. When I think back to all that happened I feel like none of it is real.

I’m different now and so are you.

I want closure for you and I want the same for me. I hope we both wake up one day in the future and we're both thankful for the past.

I don’t have any regrets and I hope you’re doing alright.

Cover Image Credit: Lindsey Ocock

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5 Things I Really Wish I Knew ~Before~ Losing My Virginity

Advice to our younger selves.
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Everyone has a first time. We're all at different stages of our lives when it happens, which impacts how we approach the situation and how we feel about it immediately after and in reflections. Some people idealize their first time, some people regret it, some people feel nothing about it. I agonized over my virginity.

I wanted nothing more than to throw it at the first willing participant. I felt that it made me someone inferior to my friends who had already had sex, like somehow I was missing out on some great secret of life or somehow I was less mature than them. I spent a lot of time wishing it would just happen, and then one day, it did when I wasn't expecting it. I don't regret my first time, but because I had wished for it to happen for so long, I had built up this image in my head of how it would be that was completely unrealistic.

So, this is for those girls like me whose imaginations get the best of them. Here are some tips to ease your worries and prepare you for what it's really going to be like.

1. It's going to be awkward.

Not just the first time, every time. No matter how much porn or how many blogs or erotic fiction you read, you will not have any idea what you're doing. The other person probably won't, either. There are too many variables, and you're both so concerned with doing it well, you'll be focused on too many things to properly control your limbs.

2. Don't think about your body.

The angles that are required for things to work leave both participants in awkward positions with limbs in strange places. Don't look at your body; don't even think about where your limbs are. Just keep your eyes and mind on the other person and what they're doing and how you're feeling. If you're feeling bad, let them know, so you can change it. If you're feeling good, enjoy it.

3. Don't do it drunk.

Not even a little tipsy, at least not for the first few times. Alcohol throws in another variable and another reason your limbs are flailing listlessly on top of other unforeseen complications. Just wait until you've had a little practice to introduce alcohol into the mix. You want to actually remember your first time and understand what's going on.

4. You're not going to feel any different after.

I expected to feel a weight being lifted or some newfound maturity, but I really didn't feel any different at all. That's because I really was just the same girl as before. Finally having lost this imaginary flower didn't make me physically any different at all.

5. You're going to feel something.

There wasn't some profound emotional release afterward, either, but I did feel a little different. Again, not in the sense that something had actually change, but I felt different because I had placed so much importance on this, on having sex, and now it had happened. I wanted there to be some big release or celebratory moment, but really, I just felt the same. I didn't even feel a little more mature or experienced. I was positive that if I ever did it again, I would still have absolutely no idea what to do (which was true).

Cover Image Credit: Seventeen

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Overthinking is A battle in itself, But Together We Can Beat It

It is time to put those sleepless nights of worry to bed once and for all.

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Overthinking is so much more than simple anxiety-filled worry. It is the worry that creeps up on you just when you think you are finally doing good.

It is worry about things or events that may never occur, and at the same time dwelling over events that have already past. It is regret and worry over if you did the right thing. Overthinking is fear of the future and fear of the haunting past.

It is every fear that you have ever had. Fear of failure in school, a job, a friendship, or a relationship. Over-thinkers are perfectionist. We strive for success and set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. When we do that, we are automatically setting ourselves up for failure without even realizing it.

It is being physically and emotionally exhausted from a brain that never shuts off.

Overthinking is replaying every encounter or conversation in your head over and over in attempts to ensure that you said the right thing or to find hidden answers. It is going back and forth in deciding whether to send a risky text message or not because your mind is playing tricks on you. It is the constant need for reassurance and answers to keep your mind at bay.

Overthinking is the dark cloud in your head that makes making decisions impossible. It is the voice of criticism that doubts everyone's intentions, including yourself.

It is waiting for something to go wrong; it is waiting for something to go right. It is waiting for someone to change their feelings about you. It is always waiting; never living in the moment and never being mindful.

This has got to change.

Do not allow these dark thoughts to cross your mind. When you are having a good day and suddenly these thoughts tap on your shoulder, tell yourself that you are stronger than your mind alone. You will not allow the power of overthinking to control your life.

There have been so many times where my thoughts wont allow me to live my life, to focus on the important things right in front of my eyes, or even get out of bed for that matter.

This is not okay.

The more you continue to overthink about things out of your control, the more you are feeding the fire in your mind.

Overthinking is something that I have struggled with my whole life. Always striving for perfection. Always striving to make things better. Always looking into the future with worry. When I am doing that, I don't realize that I am actually making matters much, much worse. I am not living my best life. I am not enjoying what is right in front of me.

Before you know it, it will be too late. All those times of worry and overthinking will suck up every important moment of your life.

It is time to start living now.

Stop worrying about what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. You will someday look back and realize that those small moments were actually big moments.

I often look back at times that I took for granted, whether it be in a relationship, with family, or with friends, and I wish I hadn't been so busy worrying and overthinking to the point that I was not able to enjoy that time.

As I have gotten older, I have realized that these small, important moments will not last forever, and the important people that surround you will not be around forever. We must learn to appreciate our lives right in front of us. It may not be what we want at the time, but it is so important to soak up every last bit of it because you never know when it could end.

For those of you that struggle with this, please know that I am with you. I hear you and we will learn to be happy with life as it is, not as we wish it to be.

Cover Image Credit:

c1.staticflickr.com

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