I have a complicated relationship going on. Writing is both my greatest love, and my worst enemy. The thought of writing is always met with feelings of joy, and anguish.

There's no better feeling than when I get inspired, and start writing. I am instantly filled with a rush of adrenaline that gets my ideas going faster than I can type them on the screen, or write them on paper. My inspiration for anything I write comes from multiple places. Sometimes it's the media that gets me going. There are always stories going up, designed to enrage us and bring out the worst of us because after all, everything on the Internet is true, right? Regardless through the media come the people who can get me to sit down, and basically vent about whatever the issue is. I write with passion, and keep going until I've finally cooled off.

However, that itself can become a problem. Writing while aggravated can bring different views on a matter. It is what makes me want to insult the mediocrity that I see in the media when reporting on serious matters. I find myself wanting to just bash every issue I can distinguish in the articles, but if I did that then I would be no better than the others. I usually allow myself the release, typing all the hate and frustration into one hateful article, but in the end it becomes the basis for how the final product will look. Releasing work that is just pure emotion and no reason really gives no room for anyone else to read and form their own thoughts. That's not how I want my work to be received.

I would say that one of my two biggest issues that come when I write comes with finishing. Yes, I realize that's a pretty big issue to be dealing with, because if I can't finish writing, it can never be seen. However, when I discuss finishing my writing I mean in terms of getting stuck halfway through something and going blank. The words that were in the beginning were amazing, they cannot be changed no matter what because whatever is being talked about is far too important and needs to addressed properly. The worst part of writing is the forever hated problem, Writer’s Block. There is nothing worse than this because it puts me in a place of doubt, and gives me the need to either restart entirely or edit my work into something I will not consider it my best work.

Knowing that, it’s easier to explain the second issue I always have when I write. Most of what I write is actually kept to myself, hidden away in my notes or the depths of my computer where no one will find it unless I want them to find it. A lot of what I write is usually meant for me, but I would be misleading you if I said that I produced work that I had originally intended to share, but instead I chose to delete it out of fear. My voice that comes through when I write is one that I took years to rebuild into what it is today, and while I actually love what I can create, there is always the voice in the back of my head reminding me of every way someone could completely shatter what I worked to create. I expect it. Any time I shows someone my writing or post these articles online, I am internally preparing myself for the one person who’s going to tear it apart. It’s a rough process to go through, but I celebrate every time I can get myself to go forward with my writing.

Regardless of all the issues that come up while I write, I love it all the same. I love having the ability to express myself in a way that talking can’t. It’s slowly becoming one of the largest aspects of my well being. Writing allows me to grow in my creativity and gives me the voice that I would have never considered using five years ago. I write for myself, and I believe everyone should do something to better themselves, mentally and/or physically. However, when I write and share it with whoever happens to come across it, I am no longer writing for me. I’m writing for anyone who can read this and relate to what I feel, even if our situations are not the same. If someone can read what I write and see certain topics from a different perspective, feel like someone out there agrees understands a piece of themselves, or just enjoy reading a mad girl’s writing, then I have done my job.