No, I Won't Date "The Nice Guy" And Here's Why
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Politics and Activism

No, I Won't Date "The Nice Guy" And Here's Why

This all clearly irritates me.

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No, I Won't Date "The Nice Guy" And Here's Why
Anna Mills

To put it simply, if you have to refer to yourself as a "nice guy", you are not a nice guy. ACTUAL nice people do not have to broadcast the fact that they're nice. It's just something that other people pick up on and eventually appreciate. If you have to say that you're nice, you're probably only being nice to get something in return, and therefore, you aren't actually nice.

I have a few issues with guys who refer to themselves as "the nice guy". For starters, these are the same guys who say things like "Girls only like jerks!" Like, yes, you caught us. We wake up in the morning and think "wow, I hope I meet a jerk today!" What actual sense does that make? It doesn't. You're looking for excuses as to why girls don't want to date you. But guess what? We don't just want a nice guy. We want more than that.

If I'm looking at a guy as a prospect (yes, I just said that), I'm looking at his intelligence level. I need a guy who is smart enough to have in depth conversations with me and can teach me a bunch of cool stuff. But he can't be cocky about his intelligence either because that's just annoying. I'm considering how fun he is. Does he like to just lay around all day or does he want to go do stuff? Does he like to play cards? He has to if he plans on dating me. I'm looking at how he'll fit in with my family... is he loud and a little bit crazy and ridiculously outgoing? Because if he's not, he legitimately won't survive our get-togethers. I'm thinking about if he's funny because I like to laugh. I'd rather date a goofball that embarrasses me in public than someone who's uptight and serious. I want somebody who knows that I'm mad 99.9% of the time and I'll scream and pace around but once I get it out of my system, I'll be fine so he just lets me go. I feel emotions so deeply and thoroughly that it can overwhelm people- can he handle it? I enjoy teasing people, can he throw my sass back at me or does he sit and whine about whatever I said? Do we enjoy the same things? He has to be able to have real, mature conversations with me. I don't do petty, passive-aggressive nonsense. Does he have the ability to trust me? That's the most important because nothing is more annoying than a guy who constantly hovers over you. I like my freedom. Let me live. And on top of all of that, am I sexually attracted to him? Because, while some people don't want to admit it, it actually DOES matter.

Looks aren't the most important thing- don't get me wrong. If someone is crazy cute but doesn't know when to use the correct "there" or "your", then they can kiss any chance they had goodbye. But they have to pass on a pass-fail scale.

So if you think that a girl isn't dating you just because you're a "nice guy", you're an idiot. You're in denial. Honestly, a girl could not want to date you because your lips look like her ex's. Or maybe you remind her of someone she hated in junior high. Or maybe she doesn't like the things you said the first time you met her mother. Or maybe she wants someone who believes in God, and you're an Athiest. There are SO many other factors that go into dating than just if you're "nice". Accept that someone doesn't want to date you and it isn't their fault.

Another one of my issues is that if you think that you being nice means that girls owe you something (whether it be sex, or a date, or a text back, or whatever), you are an idiot. That expectation alone is disgusting and truthfully, embarrassing. It doesn't work like a vending machine where you just put nice coins in until sex falls out. You should be nice because you respect and care for other people. Kindness should be in your blood for the sole fact that it makes life a lot better.

The thing is- you could like someone a lot and think that y'all would be perfect together. And you could go out of your way for them. And you could do this and that and be there for them when they cry. But if they don't like you, they just don't like you. People don't develop crushes just because someone is nice to them. Plenty of people are nice to me- I don't have a crush on them. I'm nice to plenty of people- they don't have crushes on me. If someone likes me, it's because I'm this and that and the other thing AND i'm nice. Because they think I have a lot more to offer than just being nice. If you don't, then that sucks. But don't blame women because you have too many shortcomings.

My other issue is that. REALLY? DOES IT MATTER THAT MUCH? A GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU AND THEREFORE SHE MUST BE CRAZY? REALLY? REALLY? ARE WE BEING SERIOUS? ARE WE 14 YEARS OLD? Like COME ON, DUDE. You shouldn't want someone to date you if they don't like you. Why would you even want that? If I'm going to date someone I want them to love every last inch of who I am and I want them to love me hard. I don't want to have to constantly be doing extravagant things for them just to make sure they still like me. They should like me because I'm me and that should be enough. I shouldn't have to use "niceness" to con them into liking me. I want somebody to love me so much they're willing to punch somebody in the face if they look at me wrong (I mean, not really. But you understand the idea). It doesn't make sense to me that you're going to go off and throw a tantrum because somebody doesn't like you. And you're going to blame it on them having "bad taste". Like dude, maybe they just don't like you. Suck. It. Up.

All I'm saying is that being nice is necessary but it's not the only thing that matters. Learn to accept that you are going to like people who don't like you back (yes, I have liked people who haven't liked me back). Understand that sometimes the chemistry is just not there. It could be because of something huge or something little but the reason doesn't really matter. Stop blaming others for not liking you. That is beyond childish.

Okay, rant over. Have a nice day.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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