I don't want to have kids and I never have. I have no interest in popping out 2.5 children and spending 18+ years raising them. I have no hate or disdain for women who want kids, but I personally cannot imagine it. It's really that simple.

I've been told that I'm just young and selfish about a thousand times. Sometimes when I tell my female friends how I feel they just stare blankly at me and say they can't understand how I feel. It's as if I'm not allowed to be a woman and not want children. One friend even said that she felt sorry for me.

I really just do not have a single maternal bone in my body. I cannot even conceive of the idea of having kids (pun intended). I cannot picture a future where I have a baby; just holding babies freaks me out. When some people look at a baby, their face lights up and they get this happy feeling in their heart. I get the urge to run and hide. I don't think babies are cute -- they all look like the same squishy scary blob that cries and screams.

Yes, maybe I will change my mind one day, but that is very unlikely and does not invalidate the way I feel right now. Who I will be tomorrow does not change who I am today. The future isn't something I can predict, but I can tell you that I do not want kids. We all have plans and goals for the future. I want a lot of things out of life; I want to travel the world, live in a big city and succeed in my career. Why can't I also not want to have children? Whats so wrong with me having different goals than you?

I'm not some crazy feminist out to destroy all men and gender norms. I'm not trying to make a statement or fight the patriarchy by choosing to not have children (although I do enjoy a good tussle with the patriarchy). My feminism and my choice to not have kids have nothing to do with one another. Maybe I feel less guilty about my choice because I'm a feminist, but otherwise, the two are unrelated. Anyone should feel their life goals are valid (except maybe serial killers).

I'm also not selfish because I don't want children. It doesn't make me less of a woman. I'm not a horrible insensitive person. I don't even hate children! I just don't personally want any of my own. I can't grasp why my aversion to motherhood is such a big deal to some people. It isn't something that defines me, it's just something I feel.

Which is better, to live my life how I want or to have children just to fit into society? I believe that it is better to not be a parent than to be a bad parent, and if I don't want kids, I would be a terrible parent.