All is quiet as the moon is full and bright. Hold, one more moment you guys; don’t move a muscle. The street lamp flickers and burns out; go time. I give the signal and we are off. What makes a good criminal? Planning, planning and more planning. The best safecracker in the world cannot rob a single place if he is sloppy and unorganized. We planned this heist to the second. No time for mistakes. No wrenches in the plan. Not like Fleetwood holdings and investing. That was a sure-fire success, ruined. Nobody thinks to rob the investment banks but they got more money than God in those places. Only when I was grabbing the money from the safe did the smell of rotting milk get to me. Silent but deadly. But no, no screw-ups tonight. Now it is show time. Frank opens fire on the glass of the storefront and we are in. The window disintegrates under bullet fire. As the glass turns to sand and dust. Nothing stands in our way. We are dressed in all black complete with ski masks and firearms. The glass shards break and crumble under the heel of my boot as I use the butt of the gun to break the showroom display. This diamond store has the jackpot. As soon as Frank opens fire on the store, the alarm goes off. Twelve minutes until the police arrive. That may sound like a lot of time, but it is not really that much because we have to be long gone when the cops get here in order to get away scot-free. That is our intention.
The cloth bag I brought is full of diamonds. The bulging thing is not enough as in it goes into my backpack. Now I move to fill the second bag I brought. Greed is the best. It is the only thing that keeps people alive. You are either greedy or you are dead. Without greed and the constant wanting of more and more, we roll over and die. Dave backs the van up to the store's front window. The crew starts to throw the bags of diamonds into the van. I planned this out so many times. Two minutes down. They finish gathering the inventory in the back where the uncut raw diamond and gold are located. My backpack is full of window jewelry. The van is getting pretty full. That is a lot of loot. Too bad I do not like to share. Something rolls by my foot. My plan is almost complete. I have enough bullets. A wheel passes by, rolling on the ground. Bang. Sorry, Frank. He had to go first; he had the big gun. Oh, stop shouting. My crew is upset that I killed one of them. Bang. Sorry, Garry. Bang, take that, Helen. I never liked him anyway. What sort of guy is named Helen? Bang, another one bites the dust. Fine, scatter, you swine. You can't touch me. What are you going to do, go to the cops? Um, I was robbing Melville's and this guy starting shooting people.
Then Tommy is hit in his fleeing back and falls. Is that cheese? Poof! An explosion of gerbils comes from the woodwork. The jewelry store becomes a sea of rodents. The little fur bodies attack my crew… or what is left of it. I do not have enough bullets for them. I use my boot heel to stomp on their cute, disease-infested heads. The gerbil’s bodies smoosh like cheddar. They are climbing all over me. Shaking and failing wildly, I fight the fluff balls to the van. I knock on the door but it will not open. The butt of my gun convinces the window to shatter.
“Open the damn door!” I yell at Dave. He moves out of the driver’s seat. My goodness, these gerbils are like glue. It is like sand from a beach: there is always more. Just when you think they are off of you there are more. The door slams against the creatures. Huh, take that you monsters. The van is ready to go. I floor the pedal and a good deal of the diamonds fly out and remain on the scene, along with the remaining men of my crew. They are trapped by the gerbils. Ouch! What the hell? The little demons are biting me! I smack my pants. Driving does not seem safe because it isn’t. I speed the van to the drop off point where the real getaway car is placed.
“We lost a lot a diamonds there, boss.” Dave speaks his last words, bang. Then I take the leftover bags of jewelry into the getaway car…
Red and blue lights flash on the scene as the cops look at the damage of the Melville's Jewelry store. When Officer Stevens sees the perpetrators hold down my hamsters, it could only mean one thing. The Officer looks to the shadows and sure enough, there is the patch of leather reflected in the moonlight. He walks over.
“Thank you,” the man stands there and says.
“The leader got away in a black van. But you have these men to be taken in. Hamsters Unite!” The hamsters climb off the would-be jewelry thieves and arrange themselves into rows in a perfect military formation. “Here’s the plate.” The man hands Officer Stevens a piece of paper.
“We are forever in your debt, Gerbil Man.”
“Don’t thank me…”
“Oh, right, how could I forget the bravery of the fighting gerbils!”
“They’re hamsters.” The leather coat moves and, like chocolate cake at a fat convention, he is gone. The army of cheese-hamsters follows the masked crusader into the darkness…
Plunk. The needle-point entered the cork broad with force. The rounded board is full of darts. On it contains a photograph. The TV in the corner displays the local news,
“The Melville’s Jewelry store was saved last night thanks to the intervention of a mysterious man in a leather jacket. It just another page in the epic story of the hero some call Gerbil Man…” Plunk, plunk, plunk. The darts come with greater and greater force until there are none left to throw. At the center of the board in the target was the cursed Gerbil Man. He has foiled my plan for the last time. Those were my diamonds! I liked this town better before he started showing his sorry face. I grab the darts and shove them on the boards on his perfect little face. You are mine Gerbil Man,
To Be Continued…