I still wear your shirts to bed. Laying next to a different guy, curled up, pretending it's you. Close my eyes and I can even smell you. They never fit me the way you did. Our bodies never line up the same way.

They don't think twice. I just like oversize shirts. Did you know you all use the same deodorant? I guess they all smell the same anyway. I'm not using them. We are doing each other a favor. Really I swear.

I wish I could say there are no strings attached, but honestly, there are so many strings and I'm tangled. I don't know which one to cut. What if I pick the wrong one? What if I cut the strings you hold? What if I cut him while he's next to me and he realizes? Some would say to cut them all and not to be a puppet. That sounds nice. To be free. What would I do if I didn't do what I was told? Where would I go if I was no longer caught up in this mess of twine?

I'll lay here tangled. You were always good at getting me out of things. I don't mind waiting, staring at you with your tongue out trying to get rid of the knots. Now you're tangled too. I'm sorry to bring you into this. I should've done it myself. You've cut the strings to set yourself free. To get yourself far away from me. I'm all alone connected to no one. I'm free. I can breathe. I want to drown.

Loving you is making an angel in a snowstorm beautiful, cold, and wet. You came slowly then all at once. I became numb, face drenched from the flakes coming down. You melted when we got close. And like that, you're gone. The longer I lay in the on the ground, trying to cuddle up to the snow I wonder why you don't stay. Am I too much? My face is wet, it's hard to breathe, my toes start to turn black. So I leave what is left to be left.

At first, there were pins and needles when I came in, away from the cold. Away from you. Will I ever get warm? I changed my clothes, fixed my hair, the drink warmed my body, and my dog didn't leave my side. There is hope. I forgot how numb I was in the first place. The bite still tingles, but I'll survive. It's a small bite. I'll ignore it.

Now my lips aren't blue and it doesn't hurt to breathe. There's warmth in me again. I can feel everything. Everything including the bite. It's gotten worse. The blackness started crawling up and taking a life on its own. I am consumed with darkness.

I know one thing for sure. The next time it snows I'll be standing in the middle of it looking up and smiling. I don't want to feel the darkness. You are so beautiful and cold. Make me numb again.