I Am Terrified You Won't Wish Me A Happy Birthday

I Am Terrified You Won't Wish Me A Happy Birthday

Because then I will be forced to know it is really over.


You are probably reading this headline and thinking "Really Megan?" - Hear me out. I don't need the validation that someone opened up the Facebook app, got the notification that it's my birthday, and actually took the time to text out "Happy Birthday."

This post is specifically targeting one, maybe three people. The people who I am sure will wake up on Tuesday, November 6th and know that 26 years ago I was born into their family and purposely did not pick up the phone to tell me that they are happy I exist.

Now I am being extremely obvious here, if you are at all in my life, you can probably guess who it is I am talking about. You may also guess that a part of me believes that I did it to myself and ultimately it's my fault. While the other part of me is desperately hoping that for one day, for one second, these people could overlook everything that has happened and will shine the smallest amount of kindness on me on this day, as it will be the first time I will be celebrating alone.

As much as I try and convince myself the ones who care will always be there and will make that known. It still really kills me knowing that the people I call family want nothing to do with me. Maybe I just have to reevaluate my definition of "family." I still cry when I think about it. I still choke up when I tell the story. I still have a therapist's voicemail saved on my phone because I am not afraid to share I need help and I want to feel better.

I keep telling everyone I want a corkscrew for my birthday. I am a wine lover and I broke mine a while ago. While I am laughing at myself because I can only imagine how many I will get. All I really want is a handmade card from my favorite four-year-old. Another doodled picture to go with the collection of others I have that I cherish so deeply. It really is the little things in life.

Growing up, every year I wished my Dad would call me or send me a card, even though I knew he didn't have my number or my address. I foolishly wasted wishes while blowing out candles on a cake that he would spontaneously walk through the door. It never happened.

So here I am again, another birthday spent wishing that the one person I want to hear from most won't make a sound. It's like no matter what I do, or how old I get, I will always be stuck in the same problem with a new circumstance.

Please know if you wish me a happy birthday, it will not be overlooked, it will not be minimalized. I love you so much for thinking of me, and it means so much you remembered (or Facebook remembered for you) then you can possibly imagine. I am just trying my best to figure out how to be okay knowing that there are some things I can't reconcile no matter how many times I reach out and try.

So here's to being 26, another year older, another year wiser, (I think?) another year of coming to terms with life and another year closer to being irrationally afraid of finding grey hairs. Happy Birthday to me.

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To The Nursing Major During The Hardest Week Of The Year

I know that no grade can possibly prove what kind of nurse you will be. I know that no assignment will showcase your compassion. I know that no amount of bad days will ever take away the empathy inside of you that makes you an exceptional nurse.


To the Nursing Major During Finals Week,

I know you're tired, I know you're stressed, and I know you feel like you can't go on. I know that no part of this seems fair, and I know you are by far the biggest critic of yourself. I know that you've thought about giving up. I know that you feel alone. I know that you wonder why in the world you chose one of the hardest college majors, especially on the days it leaves you feeling empty and broken.

But, I also know that you love nursing school. I know your eyes light up when you're with patients, and I know your heart races when you think of graduation. I know that you love the people that you're in school with, like truly, we're-all-in-this-together, family type of love. I know that you look at the older nurses with admiration, just hoping and praying that you will remain that calm and composed one day. I know that every time someone asks what your college major is that you beam with pride as you tell them it's nursing, and I know that your heart skips a beat knowing that you are making a difference.

I know that no grade can possibly prove what kind of nurse you will be. I know that no assignment will showcase your compassion. I know that a failed class doesn't mean you aren't meant to do this. I know that a 'C' on a test that you studied so. dang. hard. for does not mean that you are not intelligent. I know that no amount of bad days will ever take away the empathy inside of you that makes you an exceptional nurse.

I know that nursing school isn't fair. I know you wish it was easier. I know that some days you can't remember why it's worth it. I know you want to go out and have fun. I know that staying up until 1:00 A.M. doing paperwork, only to have to be up and at clinicals before the sun rises is not fair. I know that studying this much only to be failing the class is hard. I know you wish your friends and family understood. I know that this is difficult.

Nursing school isn't glamorous, with the white lab coat and stethoscope. Nursing school is crying, randomly and a lot. Nursing school is exhaustion. Nursing school is drinking so much coffee that you lose track. Nursing school is being so stressed that you can't eat. Nursing school is four cumulative finals jam-packed into one week that is enough to make you go insane.

But, nursing school is worth it. I know that when these assignments are turned in and finals are over, that you will find the motivation to keep going. I know that one good day of making a difference in a patient's life is worth a hundred bad days of nursing school.

Keep hanging in there, nursing majors. It'll all be worth it— this I know, for sure.

So, if you have a nursing major in your life, hug them and tell them that you're proud of them. Nursing school is tough, nursing school is scary, and nursing school is overwhelming; but a simple 'thank-you' from someone we love is all we need to keep going.


A third-year nursing student who knows

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To The High School Graduating Seniors

I know you're ready, but be ready.



I am not going to say anything about senioritis because I was ready to get out of there and I'm sure you are too; however, in your last months living at home you should take advantage of the luxuries you will not have in a college dorm. The part of college seen in movies is great, the rest of it is incredibly inconvenient. It is better to come to terms with this While you still have plenty of time to prepare and enjoy yourself.

Perhaps one of the most annoying examples is the shower. Enjoy your hot, barefoot showers now because soon enough you will have no water pressure and a drain clogged with other people's hair. Enjoy touching your feet to the floor in the shower and the bathroom because though it seems weird, it's a small thing taken away from you in college when you have to wear shoes everywhere.

Enjoy your last summer with your friends. After this summer, any free time you take is a sacrifice. For example, if you want to go home for the summer after your freshman year and be with your friends, you have to sacrifice an internship. If you sacrifice an internship, you risk falling behind on your resume, and so on. I'm not saying you can't do that, but it is not an easy choice anymore.

Get organized. If you're like me you probably got good grades in high school by relying on your own mind. You think I can remember what I have to do for tomorrow. In college, it is much more difficult to live by memory. There are classes that only meet once or twice a week and meeting and appointments in between that are impossible to mentally keep straight. If you do not yet have an organizational system that works for you, get one.

I do not mean to sound pessimistic about school. College is great and you will meet a lot of people and make a lot of memories that will stick with you for most of your life. I'm just saying be ready.

-A freshman drowning in work

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