Yesterday was December 22, 2018. It was the 22nd birthday of a very special person. It was the birthday of a girl that could light up the room with her dazzling smile. It was the birthday of a girl everyone will remember from this day forward to the past days to the next days in the future. It was the birthday of a girl that was a daughter to a mom and a dad, a sister, a friend, and more than anything, a special one-of-a kind person that everyone loved to be around. It was the birthday of a very special person that we will always remember.
I wish I'd have been there to save her.
December 22, 2018 was the birthday of a girl that people knew as a friend. My daughter called her "Ditzy Double" and a girl that everyone knew could change the world. She could bring laughter to the face of someone. She could put a smile on someone's face that was having a bad day. Her friends loved her. Her parents thought she was a great kid. Her family members would loved her and cared about her. And I wish I'd have been there to save her.
As I sit here and write this article, I realize that I wish I'd have been there. I wish I would have offered to help her family. I wish I would have offered to help her. I wish that, rather than listening to the things she was going through, the demons she was battling, and the fight she was losing, I'd have stepped up and offered to help. I wish I'd have been a better person. I wish I would have shown that I cared.
My daughter lost one of her best friends. Her parents lost a daughter. Her friends lost someone they loved and cared about. And no matter what happened in the past, all I can do is sit here and think that maybe things would have been different if I'd have been a better person. If I'd have done more than just sit back, listen to the stories of her struggles, and if I'd stepped up and done what should have been done.
I wish I would have been there.
This person has a name. Her name was Raylene. She was a great person. She was a friendly person. She could make people laugh. She could make them smile. She could change someone's world. And sadly, she's not here with us today. It is a battle that she struggled with for a very long time. Only those closest to her know what she went through. Only those that were by her side through it all can say what she suffered with. I can't point the blame at one person for her not being here. All I can do is pray for the family. Pray for her friends. Pray for my daughter. And look back in regret. Because I wish I would have been there.
She had her church friends. She had her friends. She had her family. Her mom and dad certainly had a wonderful group of people surrounding them. I don't know what they went through. I don't know what they are going through on her birthday. I don't know what they suffered through knowing it was another year that she would not see. I'm not in their shoes. All I know is that I made a terrible mistake. And it's a mistake I will never make again when it comes to someone in need.
I can make excuses. I can say I was too busy. I can say I worked. I can say I had my family. I can say that I had a million things going on at the time. And it's all nothing more than a lame excuse. It comes to me being lazy. It comes to me not offering to help. It comes to me not being a better person. It comes to me not being a friend. I wish I would have been there.
Maybe she'd be here with us today.
As I sit here late at night, with the lights off, reflecting on the years gone by, I think about a family that will not celebrate another birthday with their daughter in the home. I think about a brother and the other family members who will not get to hug their sister, their friend, their relative, and the person that could light up a room with her smile. I think about the friends that lost someone they loved. I think about my daughter who had to pay tribute on her Ditzy Double's birthday with a Facebook post. I think about my daughter going across the world to study and having just lost one of her best friends. And all I can think about is that maybe I could have made a difference. Even if I'd taken the time to offer and had been declined any help. I wish I would have been there.
I didn't step up. I didn't offer to help. I didn't say I would do something. I didn't say anything. I'd listen to the stories. I'd hear about her struggles. I'd hear about her demons. i'd see her pictures posted on social media. I'd smile seeing the smile on her face light up the computer screen. I'd never reached out to her parents through it all. I never asked if they needed help. I never tried to find this girl to offer to save her. I never was the person I should have been. I wish I would have been there. Maybe she'd be here with us today.
No one can say for sure what would have happened, what might have happened, or what could have happened. Nobody knows for sure. All I know is that yesterday came and went. A girl isn't here with us today that would have celebrated her 22nd birthday. A girl that a family lost. A girl that friends lost. A girl that was loved by many. And that won't ever be forgotten by any.
I wish I would have been there for her. I wish I would have been that person to step up. I wish I would have offered. I wish I would have reached out to my daughter and asked her to call, text or go visit the parents house. To let them know our offer of help was on the table. Even if all we needed to do was "be there". Because then maybe she'd be with us today.
Happy Birthday Raylene. We all hope you're singing up the heavens and lighting up the sky with that smile of yours.
I wish I would have been there. And I wish I could bring you back. Because God knows everyone here misses you...