What I Wish I Could Say To My Mother

What I Wish I Could Say To My Mother

Thank you & I'm sorry.
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I know our relationship isn't the best now and hasn't been for awhile, but I also remember the days I didn't want to leave your side. I remember having a nightmare and climbing into your bed. When I was little, I never wanted to spend the night at a friends house because you weren't going to be there. I didn't want you to be alone.

You were always there to make me macaroni and cheese and kiss my stuffed animals goodnight when you were tucking me in. No matter the fever, nausea or strep throat, you were always there with ginger ale and a damp washcloth.

I wish we could have had one of those mother daughters dates at least once. The one where you get your nails done and maybe lunch. I wish you wouldn't have let me do every single thing I wanted. Truth is, I know I wouldn't have liked it at the time, but you would have saved me a lot of regret and heartache. At the same time though, thank you for always trusting me to make good decisions.

Then I grew up and I started to need you less, but I didn't mean that as a bad thing. You just raised me to be able to take care of myself. Now that I am an adult, I know I don't always help ease the tension and I can add fuel to the fire. I'm sure you think I try to pick fights with you and that I'm a bitch, and yes, I can be. I'm not perfect and I shouldn't expect you to be either.

I want to apologize for the plate I made you for Mother's Day one year. I'm not sorry I made it, you deserved it, and you were so sweet displaying it with pride because your daughter painted it just for you. I want to apologize for years later completely destroying it with a hammer on the kitchen floor because we were fighting about something. 10 years later, I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but I remember vindictively breaking that plate and I still regret it.

I am sorry that you feel like you can't tell me things sometimes, and don't say you don't do that because I know you do. It hurts me to know that you're not honest with me all the time, and no, eluding the truth isn't lying, but it's not being truly honest either. I am sorry if you think that if you are honest with me I will just get angry, and I can't always promise that won't happen. However, not telling me just makes things worse.

It leaves me wondering how can I distance myself even more without losing you. I already moved 650 miles away and we don't talk all of the time. How much further can I go? I have tried to convince myself that I won't care and that I won't get upset, but I can't. It's not who I am and it's not who you raised me to be.

The more I love you, want better for you, and try to help that, it seems you love me less. Maybe I need to work on how I express that and make it kinder, but maybe instead of shutting down on me, you could open up, listen and maybe just maybe something will help.

I hope we can love one another because we want to, not because you have too.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Dumas

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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Why I Appreciate My Parents So Much

This is for my two biggest supporters.

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One thing I've noticed, the older I've gotten, is how much I appreciate my parents.

We've become so close, it's almost funny to think at one point I looked at them so much differently. When I was younger, my parents were much more strict than they are now. They disciplined differently and didn't let me do certain things. The older I've gotten, the more freedom I've gotten, which is one big sigh of relief.

My parents are such great people. Throughout my whole life, I've always had friends of parents or people who know my parents tell me how great they both are. I'm so blessed to have been raised by them and to have gotten their characteristics.

My mom is so loving and generous, and she thinks of literally everyone else in her life before herself. She's smart and funny, and she is always there when I need someone to talk to. She's taught me how to be courteous, kind, funny (with her sense of humor), and most importantly, accepting towards others.

The older I get, the more I realize how similar I am to her. She's my favorite woman in the whole world. We understand each other.

My dad is a thoughtful, hilarious, wise, and helpful guy who has taught me so many lessons throughout the years. He always makes sure my finances are in order, even more than I do. He keeps me laughing with his funny stories and made-up songs that he sings. He always asks me how my day was every time I walk through the door. He is so adorable and thoughtful, and I'm so happy I got his wit and humor.

His smile lights up a room and I'm so happy I've been hearing his laugh and will continue to for the rest of my life.

Another great thing about my parents is that they've taught me what love looks like. They're so loving, kind, and patient towards each other. I've rarely ever seen them fight in my life. They still treat one another how they did when they first started dating. I have friends and know people whose parents aren't together, and I'm so lucky to say I can't imagine what that's like.

My parents complete each other; they are soulmates. I'm so lucky and appreciative that I get to have the honor of watching their love play out throughout their lives.

I'm so happy and thankful that these are the parents I ended up with. They're the best. I hope to be half of my parents when I become a parent myself.

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