23 Things More Appealing Than Recovering Getting Your Wisdom Teeth Out

23 Things More Appealing Than Recovering Getting Your Wisdom Teeth Out

Tooth fairy, where ya at?
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I personally had all of my wisdom teeth removed in one fell swoop several years ago when I first started college. In my case, the recovery from getting those pesky third molars out was not the worst possible experience.

However, I do keenly recall the impossibility of the all-liquid diet and choking down horse-sized pills (which up until that point I had never been able to successfully swallow with ease).

All these past feelings and discomforts were recently brought back to the forefront of my mind when a dear friend of mine had their wisdom teeth removed last Tuesday.

He, like myself and many others, has become aware of the excruciating pain of not being physically capable of gorging oneself with comfort foods post-operation. But, for those lucky few who don’t have wisdom teeth, you can disregard this article.

That being said, here’s a list of all the things I would rather do than be subjected to that egregious recovery process again.

1. Clip my cat’s claws (she’s a feisty one)

2. Delete the thousands of unread messages in my email

3. Exercise

4. Stub my toe, repeatedly

5. Get lemon juice and cayenne pepper in a paper cut

6. Lose the keys to my apartment during finals week

7. Pour the milk before the cereal

8. Learn how to file my own taxes

9. Unexpectedly slam my hips against the countertop while walking through the kitchen

10. Run into someone you never talk to anymore

11. Use Internet Explorer as my primary Web App

12. Go to office hours

13. Drink 2 liters of water every day for the rest of my life

14. Get a tattoo of an egg on my face

15. Get salmonella (but not from the egg tattoo, from a real egg)

16. Talk to literally any stranger about politics

17. Never shave my legs again (although this is kind of a win-win)

18. Go sky-diving without a parachute

19. Intentionally burn a soufflé

20. Have my car towed

21. Eat the hottest pepper known to man without a glass of milk handy

22. Get my fingers stuck in the bathroom stall door (speaking from experience, this is unpleasant)

23. Become an oral surgeon and inflict the pain I want so desperately to avoid on others

OK, so the last one is probably the most accurate because I would like to become a dentist in the (hopefully not so) distant future. Otherwise, these have been the things I would rather do than recover from wisdom teeth removal.

Cover Image Credit: Vanessa Hinton

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I Think I Have Telephone Phobia And It's Serious

While a lot of people commonly fear clowns, darkness, and heights, I fear phone calls.

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Is it just me or does anyone else dread having to make and pick up phone calls? Am I also the only one who gets really sweaty and goosebumps everywhere whenever the dial tone sounds? I hope it's not just me. Maybe it's the idea of a disembodied voice over the speaker that scares me or maybe it could just be me being socially awkward for no reason.

Who knows? But I do know that whenever I have to make a phone call, I have to prepare ahead of time, and if you actually see me do it (which I won't let you), you would see that it's an extremely daunting process. First, I type out what I want to say and the questions that I want to ask on my laptop. Sometimes, if it's an important phone call, such as to a place that's hiring or looking for potential interns, I prepare multiple sets of responses in case the conversation doesn't go as planned. Then, I read what I wrote two or three times out loud to myself and correct whatever doesn't sound right because you know, things usually sound better in my head.

I rehearse the finalized version another two or three times, and after that, I muster up all of the courage that I possibly can and force myself to dial the number. Finally, when the person picks up, I do my best to read off of my script, even though it's staring at me straight in the face, and try my best not to sound like a robot. Did I also mention that, when I can, I lock myself in a room so that nobody can hear me? Well, I do that, too.

This is exactly why I avoid receptionist jobs. I don't like having to call someone that I don't know because I tend to stutter a lot when the person on the other end picks up, and it's hard to predict how those phone calls will go, so I can't really prepare for them as I would do at home. Usually, I'm afraid that I won't know how to respond to the callers' questions, and I don't want them to know that I don't know how to answer them, but I also don't want to put them on hold and take up their time.

It's especially bad when an office is so quiet that everyone can practically hear all of the "ums" and "uhs" that come after every word I say. This makes me even more self-conscious about the sound of my voice, and I often say to myself, "Is this really what I sound like?" It's basically just an endless cycle of trepidation. Another thing that gets me is the instantaneity of phone calls. It's not like texting or emailing where you can choose not to respond right away. You could even leave the person on delivered or read if you really wanted to, but you can't do the same when talking on the phone unless you hang up on them, which won't be good for either of you.

Isn't it ironic how the phone was invented so that people could communicate by calling, and yet, I don't use it for that purpose? I tell my friends not to call me because I tend to respond better on Messenger or iMessage because I have time to think over my response. If it's an emergency, then I'll make an exception, but otherwise, I try to avoid phone calls at all costs. My parents are probably the only other exception because they're my parents, and both of them say that they'll take forever to respond by texts, so I really have no choice.

In all honesty, I prefer anything but a phone call. You could send me hundreds of postcards, letters, and emails or even spam my Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat. You could even write a message on a paper airplane and throw it to me. I don't care, but just don't call me. Will I ever get over this? I should, but I probably won't, which sucks, but I'll manage. I think.

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