'I Didn't Let You Win:' An Original Poem On Letting Go Of My Anxiety
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Health and Wellness

'I Didn't Let You Win:' An Original Poem On Letting Go Of My Anxiety

And you said that I was done. Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come.

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'I Didn't Let You Win:' An Original Poem On Letting Go Of My Anxiety
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When you experience something that has never happened to you before in your entire life, how are you supposed to react to it? That's exactly how I felt a year ago when I had my first panic attack. To say I felt like myself would be a complete and utter lie: I felt anything like myself. It was like I was a prisoner trapped inside my own body who couldn't seem to find my way out. The worst part of it all was that I chose to let my anxiety control me. I let it take over me because it was a lot easier than trying to fight it. But I've grown this past year since then and I'm not letting my anxiety win anymore.

This poem was written very recently at a time when I wasn't even considering writing a poem about my experience dealing with my anxiety. But once the words started to come into my head and flow from my fingertips onto the pages of my journal, I knew it wasn't a poem I wanted to keep for myself. To all the people who have helped me find myself during this time and the ones who are still battling their inner demons, this is for you.

I Didn't Let You Win

On this day, last year

was when you first came into my life.

An uninvited guest

with no signs of leaving

as you clutched onto me,

whispering those repeated phrases of

"You're not good enough"

"No one likes you"

"You'll never amount to anything"

in my ears

until they became background music

a song I couldn't get out of my head

no matter how hard I tried to press stop.

You made me confined to my bed

the first week you arrived.

Turned my legs numb

my chest heavy

my throat tight

my heart racing

and my head dizzy.

I couldn't get up

without falling

at least, that's what you wanted

me to believe.

I dug my hole deeper,

each time you crept back in.

Until I no longer

wanted to get out.

I lost myself, the minute you found me.

You changed me until I couldn't recognize

the girl I was before.

The girl whose smile once lit up the room,

was now a frown

that blended in with the darkness.

Whose laugh that could be heard

from the other side of the room,

was now silent.

I pushed the people I loved away,

who tried to offer their help.

I locked myself in my room,

because I couldn't go outside

without thinking something bad would happen.

I blamed myself

I hated myself

but this wasn't my fault.

You did this to me.

I blame you

I hate you

you thought you had me

and for a while I believed that.

But you no longer have me in your hold.

I've let you go

I am free

farewell anxiety.

And whenever you try

to come back into my life

when my hands start to shake

I ball them up into a fist

because this won't be like those other times.

This time,

I didn't let you win.



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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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