There is no doubt in my mind that God has given us free will. We have the beautiful, yet frightening, ability to choose exactly how and why we want to live our lives. We make these choices daily: from how we like our eggs cooked in the morning, to who we decide we want to share the rest of our lives with.
However, there must be caution used in our choices. As often self-centered beings, I warn us to think through everything, every step of the way. Even the habitual can drag us down. Sometimes, many times, we go about our lives without a second thought. We ignore the man we pass by on the bench every day, and we care not for the struggling woman with her child as we rush to get to work.
I want us to stop, to truly stop, and gain eyes to see that "life is more than who we are," in the infamous words of the Goo Goo Dolls. Life is more than these 8 a.m. classes and more than getting to dinner precisely at 6 p.m. Break these silly habits and gain perspective on the aching, yet beautiful world around you. Do not become blinded by the repetition.
And in terms of choices, in terms of God's will, we act so haughtily, believing our fragile, little bodies and our fragile, little minds know more than the Creator of the Universe Himself.
Ah, but we are so limited, we cannot even see past our own two hands. We think we know so much, just because our hearts pound for what will fade with time and because our bodies yearn for what is of the flesh. But maybe knowing God's will is not about happiness or desire, to a degree, but perhaps it is about peace. Perhaps it is about self-control, about wisdom, and about discernment. To the God who created time, who created everything underneath and around the sun, do you not believe that He has the deepest desires of your heart kept safe within His own?
He knows exactly what we want, but desires to give us what we need. I believe in our free will, there must be a sacrificing of self. Honestly, this is what taking up our cross looks like (Matthew 16:24-26). It is about dying, like Christ, to these earthly things. And as I write this, I can catch but a mere glimpse of how absolutely beautiful our Father is.
So, do not fear if God puts a hold on your heart, if He tells you "no" or "not yet." Praise Him, for He only wishes to protect you in the end. The relationships, the jobs, anything- if it does not work out, simply put, it merely was not meant to be, because our Father's vast knowledge grandly, greatly outstretches and reaches farther than our fragile human capacity ever could.
And though we mess up, though we sometimes long to choose destruction, our God is so powerful and so all-knowing that He has the beautiful ability to rearrange and transform these weaknesses for His glory alone, again and again. Yet our choices cause us ruin for a time, darkness is made light once more.
This all faintly reminds me of that one gorgeous poem by ee cummings, i carry your heart with me. It goes;
"...here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)"
The Father's only desire is for us to be with Him, to grow, to know, and to love Him. This is the very root of it all; He carries our hearts, safely inside His own.
Please, make wise choices. Think clearly, with purpose and definition. Your choices affect not only you, but every human that surrounds you. Think towards the future, and the purpose you were given.