I Will No Longer Be Your Dirty Little Secret

I Will No Longer Be Your Dirty Little Secret

Is it really considered breaking up a happy home if the foundation was already shaky, and you just shook a couple more stones?
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It's all about timing, isn't it?

The person you want doesn't want you. It's the most twisted love story of all time — but how is that considered a love story? What about a love story where the love is on both ends, but it just can't be?

You're happy. You're actually so happy because the person you care about feels the same back. They want you just as bad as you want them. So why can't it be? Who gets blamed? Timing.

I have been there. They say "do whatever makes you happy," and that is something I've been told more times in my life than most people I know. Find your happiness. Find what makes you smile, laugh, giddy. They never tell you the downfalls of finding that happiness, though.

Because sometimes, the happiness you grasp just isn't allowed.

The person who you share this connection with is not in your reach. Yes, you can touch them. And you do. You can contact at any time and get a response. If you need reassurance, they'll give it. They will never hesitate to tell you how amazing they think you look or the little specific details that drive them crazy (in a good way) about you. But, why can't it be?

They're spoken for.

It's the story of every high school relationship that we all know. We are crazy about the person we know we can't have. Then, once they admit that they feel mutual, the craziness subsides and you feel like you won. You're not crazy; everything you're feeling is real. There is always a reason as to why you feel what you feel. Always. If someone makes you feel, let them. If someone makes you feel, do not try to stop it. Any feeling you attempt to bury just comes back tenfold when it resurfaces.

You're their dirty little secret. But it's not OK anymore.

We find it so easy to accept the fact that we just meet people at "the wrong time." Think of it this way, though — the people we tell ourselves we meet at the wrong time are too often just the wrong people.

A time has to come when you stop answering the phone calls and FaceTimes or you stop giving in every time they need you to be something for them. Whether it be flirty or an ear to listen, someone who cares about them will tell them how they're so amazing and so worth it. Why should you give this person that if they can't give you it back at any second you might need it? Sure, if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. We know. I know. But how far is too far? Soon enough, you will start to realize this bigger picture, and it will make you feel so terrible about yourself when the only one who should be blamed is them.

You do not deserve to be someone's "sometimes." Someone wants to make you their "always."

When it's a guy who is in a relationship and finds himself emotionally invested somewhere else as well, it's automatically the "other woman's" fault. Not the guy. It just goes down as a mistake, a weak moment, a regret.

News flash: it is not a regret if it happens more than once.

On the flip side, if it's a girl in a relationship, then it's just the girl being a sl*t. She's trying to get attention from every guy she can, and she's taking it.

What people do not see is the 'outside' person knows it's wrong. They knew it the first moment, but they are stuck. They fell for the trap of the sweet nothings that were said to them and the "you're different, no one has ever made me feel like this" that the unreachable person feeds them. They are emotionally invested, they are following their heart, they are following what makes them happy, even if it's once a week in a dark car or it's once every eight months in a town neither of you live in, flying down the parkway to get away from your realities. You cannot blame them for not being a sociopath and having feelings they can't control. They do not hold all the guilt and blame. It takes two.

The point I'm trying to make here is simple: if it makes you happy, I'll be the first to say go for it. Run with it.

But, there will come a time where you're tired of running with it, and you realize that you are just a small percentage of the issues in the relationship that the person you care about cannot seem to get out of.

You might be their escape or their guilty pleasure, and I'm sure they can't quit you either; I'm not doubting that theirs is a true connection. They will realize the reality of it soon enough, but you're not getting a wage by waiting for them. So why bother?

Is it really considered breaking up a happy home if the foundation was already crumbling and you just shook a couple more stones?

Cover Image Credit: Cheyenne Santoro

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To The Sweet Girl With A Broken Heart

Words of wisdom for every girl...

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To the sweet girl with a broken heart,

Do you feel like you're stuck in this hole, six feet under, with absolutely no way to get out? You are not alone, and I promise you there is a ladder just waiting for you to climb it. I know your heart feels like it's been shot, and your gut feels like it's been punched one hundred times.

This feeling is just temporary, and I can tell you that because I've experienced it first hand. I know you feel alone, and like you're the only person who has ever felt this much heartache. I can promise you that you are never alone, and there are so many girls that can relate to you in ways you never thought possible. Don't let one guy dictate your way of life. Don't let one guy dull your sparkle.

Don't let one guy change your heart, or your remarkable personality. Sounds really silly when you read it back doesn't it? All of this hurt, tears, and confusion over one guy! Don't get me wrong, I know that this one guy was your world, you truly thought he was going to be in your life forever.

Up until this point, you didn't see a life without him in it. Girlfriend, look at yourself in the mirror. You are doing this whole breakup thing all on your own, and you're doing a great job at it. You picked up the pieces, and are carrying on all by yourself. You have been through the most extreme roller coaster of emotions, and you road it solo.

That says something, something really special. That says that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. Realize that! This is God's plan for you, to show you just how amazing you are. That you can conquer all things, and handle them in the most graceful way possible.

You are special. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are you! And that's one hell of a thing to be because you are the only you on this planet!

Lift your chin up, hold your head high, and show the world exactly who you are. Never change for anybody. Ever! Heck, get back to that girl you were before him. Strong, independent, confident, selfish. I know the word selfish seems so, well, selfish. But It's okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to defending your own heart.

Take that vacation, dress up just because, do your makeup and take selfies just because you want to, go to the gym, get that tan, go to that party, spend time with your greatest friends, hug your mom!

Do all of these things carelessly, do them because you deserve it, and because you can! And at first you may be doing them as a distraction from all that you've been through, but soon enough you'll find that you're doing them not because you need to, but because you want to!

Simply because this really is the new and improved you. Learn from this pain. Learn to love yourself again without him, without constantly feeling like you need to be reminded by him that you are loved. Instead, love yourself and I assure you when other people see that, they'll love you even more.

Girls, when we love someone, we love deeply, we love wholeheartedly, and that person never has to question our love for them. You deserve that same exact love in return. There are plenty of other guys out there just waiting to take care of your heart, and love you unconditionally. You deserve nothing but that!

Do not stop until you find that guy. You can change the world just by being a kind hearted human being. Don't get revenge, don't force yourself to move on as quickly as he did, don't torture yourself with remembering "the old him," and definitely don't change. I know it's hard to see him changing in the worst way, to the point where you don't even recognize him anymore. To the point where he feels like a complete stranger to you.

Do not stoop to his level. Trust me, one day, he will look back on his life and probably regret losing you. Of course, I know all you're wishing is that he'd be able to see that right now, but that just isn't God's plan. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, and hurt, and be upset.

Those are all good things.

That is what is going to allow you to heal, and move on to become a better, stronger, happier, and more mature you! I promise you, that a year from now all that you're stressing about will not mean a thing. This is our one and only chance at life, we can not let one person take away all the happiness that we deserve.

The right guy will never leave, even when times get tough he will always fight for you. I saw something on twitter that said, "take sex away and you'll come to realize that not many individuals have much to offer. This generation is so pressed for the physicality that ya'll forget mentality creates the bond and forms longevity."

That hit extremely close to home for me and is something that everyone needs to remember.

Fall in love with somebody's heart, mind, and soul. Go beyond their looks, go beyond the attraction, dig deeper. Don't be that shallow girl, who doesn't know how to love the right way. You are so much better than that. To every single broken hearted girl, I am so proud of you! I am always here for you, you have so much love and support. I've realized that myself. As I write this, I feel relief, no longer sad or dwelling on the past. What is coming is always better than what is gone. Now get that beautiful smile back on your face because you are too pretty to be sad.

P.S. To the "other girl" (if there is one).

How dare you take him away from me? You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew my whole heart was on the line. Women need to start respecting other women. Think before you act. Would you want to be in my position? I sure as hell hope not, and now that you have him I hope you're thinking about how you hurt me. And if you're not, then you have a lot to learn about life hunny.

It's kinda weird because I can't hate either of you. Simply because I want nothing but the best for him. It's crazy how someone can break your heart into a million pieces, but you still have such a special place in your shattered heart for them. Besides that, take good care of him. I hope he can learn from you, and love you in all the ways he couldn't love me or any of his other ex's. Every relationship is a lesson, and there is always something to learn. So thank you for teaching me mine.

P.S- To "the guy who did this" Imagine you have a daughter someday, and some boy breaks her heart the way you did mine. I hope you think back to this, and remember me. Maybe by that time, you'll feel sorry.

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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