Growing up, I've always loved kids. Babies and toddlers are so cute and fun to interact with. They're so innocent, carefree, and full of spunk. And sometimes, I envy that. The idea of having my own children, however, is vastly unappealing. In fact, it repulses me.

Like I said, I absolutely adore other individual's kids, but that might be because I'm not responsible for them. I can play with and talk to my friends' kids all day long, but I'll never be the one that has to discipline them, deal with their tantrums, or ultimately raise them. I cannot fathom the idea of a child's entire life being in my hands. Being a mother means creating a human, nurturing that human, teaching that human everything you possibly can, and preventing that human from becoming a terrible nuisance to humanity. It's all too much pressure.

At this point in my life, I can barely take care of myself. I forget to eat most days, I get little sleep, and I work myself to exhaustion most weeks. Some days, I'm so lazy that I don't shower or brush my teeth. The most responsibility of another's life that I have is owning a cat. However, my mom feeds her and cleans up after her most days. I'm such a terrible mother to her that I've had her for almost a year and still haven't taken her to get her shots or get spayed. The idea of taking care of a whole other human and essentially making sure it doesn't die is absolutely terrifying.

Something I will never understand is why being pregnant is so appealing to some women. It's screwed up, but I've always equated being pregnant with housing a parasite. Obviously, (most) children aren't parasites. But, during the nine months before giving birth, an organism drains your energy, shares your nutrients, and takes up a lot of your insides. The idea of having something squirming around inside of me is utterly revolting. I understand that some women enjoy being pregnant, but I will never be one of them.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about being a person who doesn't want kids is hearing people's remarks about it.

"You say that now, but you'll want them one day."
"How else are you going to reproduce?"
"Motherhood gives you purpose."
"What if your husband wants kids?"

Reductive remarks are not going to increase the likelihood that I'll magically want kids. I'm an adult and I'm not going to change my mind, at least not in the near future. As a feminist and as a woman, I feel like perpetuating the idea that a woman's duty is to create life is harmful to society and is too reminiscent of 20th-century ideals. Yes, motherhood gives immense meaning and purpose to some women's lives, but I'm not equipped nor do I want to handle the pressure of that responsibility. As for what I would do if my husband wants kids, it's not his decision by any means and it's something that would obviously need to be discussed before marriage.

While I do love kids and I think creating life is a beautiful thing, it's not something that appeals to me. I do respect and honor women who put their bodies and minds through nine months of stress to do so but please, respect my decision to not have kids and don't try to sway my opinion in any way.