Why I Will Never Be A Dog Person

Let me tell you an obvious fact that almost everyone in my life knows about me. I love cats. I have loved cats for as long as I can remember. There is not a single cat in the world that I wouldn’t think is cute as hell. Even those weird, furless cats are cute in a gross, Dr. Evil kind of way. Being that I am such a die-hard feline fan there is little to no love left for me to give to the k-nine family. Don’t get me wrong, I do like dogs but I do not love them. I just don’t get them or their appeal. I think this is the part where I should mentally and physically prepare for the hate I will be receiving from dog lovers.

Sure, dogs can be cute and fluffy but they are also so high energy that it’s borderline scary. I’m already skeptically of humans that smile too much, so an animal that is always inherently cheerful is kind of terrifying. I guess that’s why dogs are so popular; they promote a positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle to a certain extent, and who wouldn’t like to be around a loving creature that possesses those attributes.

With that being said, I still do not get dogs. I feel that their feline counterparts are far more balanced than the typical dog. Cats are independent in all the necessary ways—they can take themselves to the bathroom whenever they please, they barely need attention, they can bathe themselves, they have such poise (which isn’t hard to attain when you’re being compared to an animal that eats its own fecal matter), and you can leave them home alone without worrying they will destroy the house. They are basically a well-behaved teenager. And while writing that, I realize I just made cats sound like a nerd with no friends. But at least that nerd is honest.

If a dog does something wrong like tear up the carpet, for example, they would probably give you puppy-dog eyes in an effort to deflect the issue or they would try to hide so they wouldn’t get in trouble. You know what a cat would do in that situation? That cat would probably sit right on top of the torn up carpet and look you straight in the eyes. They would own up to the damage because a cat keeps it real.

A cat is that one friend that is was too honest for their own good. But in reality, everyone needs that one friend in their life. They keep life zesty and there is rarely a dull moment when they are around. Do they have boundaries? Oh no, absolutely not. They would stomp all over your face while you’re napping, given the opportunity. But so would a dog and dogs are heavier. Think about that.