Even though at times it may feel like we don't, I think everyone knows to some degree what they want. I know I want to live in a beautiful apartment with marble countertops overlooking the city, a job that I'm excited to go to, and a significant other who buys me peonies on a random day. It's the same in relationships: we know what kind of person would make us happy. Consciously or subconsciously we know when someone's not the right person for us. We know they are not worth it but, sometimes, we stay anyway.

I get so upset when my friends date someone that isn't good enough for them or they get back together with a guy who has hurt them on multiple occasions. And I always wonder, why? But I've realized, it's due to hope and optimism. It's easier to cling on to the idea that maybe one day this person will change. And honestly, who doesn't want to feel wanted? At times it can make you feel whole and in those moments we let these people into our lives — because you have the thought that maybe they will be worth it. You aren't weak, you aren't naive, nor are you oblivious for thinking this way or settling for less. You're actually forgiving, compassionate, and a giver.

But you forget to care about one person: yourself.

You didn't listen to those red flags, the warning signs, the feeling in your gut that this person was just not right. They may make you feel whole for a moment, but in the end, they'll leave you feeling more empty.

"What we claim we want rarely matches up with what we allow or accept." -R.H. Sin.

We know what we want yet we allow people to come into our lives who make us feel insecure, crazy, and ultimately unhappy. We accept less than we know we deserve. It's hard taking your own advice. I'm that friend who everyone goes to for relationship help, yet I can't apply that knowledge to my own life. But I've seen my friends be with guys who have treated them in a way I know they never would want me to be treated, and vice versa. It's helpful to take a step back and look at the situation as if it wasn't your own. I wish I had a step by step guide on how not to self-sabotage, but I don't. But, I do think the first step to not letting in or keeping toxic people in our lives is realizing what we're doing. And to remember that true happiness and fulfillment can not be found in anything — or anyone — but ourselves.

When a relationship isn't working out, the thought of going into the unknown is more daunting than staying in the unsatisfying known. But, aside from situations of domestic abuse or other such relationship problems where there are serious barriers — and consequences — to trying to leave, we all have the ability to choose and be courageous. You can choose to ask for what you really want. You can choose to take yourself out of a bad situation. And you can choose to take a stand for yourself because you are worthy of getting exactly what you want — and what you deserve. So if you feel like you're highly susceptible to settling for less than you deserve, I encourage you to draw on that sense of courage and makes some changes. Ask yourself, does this person align with my wants? If they don't, leave. Yes, the unknown can be uncomfortable and scary, but sometimes you need to do what makes you scared. And take care of yourself first.