I have always thought of various scenarios in my head of us finally sitting down to talk about what had gone wrong. I imagined me yelling at you for hurting me and for making me feeling so miserable and bad about myself. I imagined me being calm cool and collected about it. I imagined a lot of things. I remember when you suggested that we should get coffee sometime. I knew it was never going to happen but somehow I held onto the last bit of hope that I had and hoped that maybe it would. It has been more then a year since and the chances of this sit-down ever happening are slim to none. However, there is still a huge part of me that really wishes that it had. The conversation would have been so incredibly awkward at first but I think that it would have helped to at least talk about it, to clear the air and to get it all out in the open. I wanted to put it to rest in a healthy way, all of the resentment, anger, and sadness that I felt towards you to put out into the open and to dealt with. I have thought about what I would say to you so much that it actually hurts me to think about it. The words and pain that have been raging inside of me for so long would finally come to light, it scares me to know just how much power they would hold. I need you to hear them. I need you to know just how miserable you made, how much you made my self esteem and worth suffer without even trying and how your words would make me feel so incredibly happy yet sad at the same time. You were both the greatest and worst thing to ever happen to me and I need you to understand that. I only wish that you could know just how much you destroyed me. I wish that I could sit-down with you and tell you all of this. It took me a long to time to realize that this will never happen. It hurt to know that your simple of suggestion of getting coffee sometime was just another one of your many broken promises. I hate how even after all of the things that happened, I believed you. I was stupid to ever think that anything you ever said had any truth to it at all. I know better now then to ever believe a single word you say. I wish we could have gotten closure, it kills me. I really wanted to talk to you one last time and to be brutally honest about how I felt. You will never know now and that is just something that I have to live with. I hope it kills you too. I hope that if ever see you again that you suggest that we talk. I think it would help to finally shut the door in your face and put all of the memories of our friendship behind me. I think I would be better for it.
RelationshipsJun 26, 2017
Why I Wish I Could Have Gotten Closure
The reasons why I wish we could have talked one last time.
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