You wake up in the morning to find a text:
"I've been up all night, I miss you."
Time sent: 4:36 a.m.
Staring blankly at your phone, a thousand thoughts and memories flash across your eyes as if they are being played through an old movie projector.
You can hear the faint laughter.
You can vaguely make out the bright, flashing smiles.
You can almost feel the warmth of his strong hand intertwined with yours.
None of it is real.
The laughter is gone, the smiles have vanished, and the warmth is nothing but a hoped-for reality.
As your eyes well with hot tears at the thought of once was, you realize why you will never be his 4 a.m. call, why you'll never be the girl to give your loving, longing heart to someone who wants it only when it is needed.
I am better, stronger, than I give myself credit.
I am worth so much more than I believe and someday, someone will be damn lucky to have me.
My heart is full of fiery love.
It is full of the passion to give, the passion to care, the passion to adore.
I have the ability and the desire to give so much from my heart, and that is why I won't be your 4 AM call.
I don't want to be yours only when you want me.
I don't want to be yours only when you feel like you have no one else.
I don't want to be yours only when you need a crutch.
I don't want to be yours when you only want to pick and choose what parts of me you receive.
I refuse to sell myself as less than I am, to give only pieces of myself to you.
Pieces that are better off being used toward myself
So that someday, I can give and love and care even more for someone else.
You let me go.
You cannot have the fragments of me that are still beneficial to you, while pursuing shinier, newer ones elsewhere.
This confidence that I have bestowed upon myself, while although it may be tested, will not break.
I know who I am.
I know what I want.
I know what I deserve.
And that is not serving as your 4 a.m. call.
If you're struggling, I'll be sound asleep.
If you're missing me, I'll be wrapped in my sheets.
If you're wanting a friend, I'll be off dreaming of a beautiful paradise
Because I am not that girl anymore, I'm not your girl anymore.
I will not be your 4 a.m. call because I was once you're every-second-of-the-day call, and you just can't undo something like that.
I wish you well.
I wish you the best, and I hope you find happiness
But know I am braver than you believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than you think.
And that's why I will never be your 4 a.m. call again.