Why I Will Never Be Your 4AM Call

Why I Will Never Be Your 4AM Call

I have so much more to give than that.
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You wake up in the morning to find a text:

"I've been up all night, I miss you."

Time sent: 4:36 a.m.

Staring blankly at your phone, a thousand thoughts and memories flash across your eyes as if they are being played through an old movie projector.

You can hear the faint laughter.

You can vaguely make out the bright, flashing smiles.

You can almost feel the warmth of his strong hand intertwined with yours.

But,

None of it is real.

The laughter is gone, the smiles have vanished, and the warmth is nothing but a hoped-for reality.

As your eyes well with hot tears at the thought of once was, you realize why you will never be his 4 a.m. call, why you'll never be the girl to give your loving, longing heart to someone who wants it only when it is needed.


I am better, stronger, than I give myself credit.

I am worth so much more than I believe and someday, someone will be damn lucky to have me.

My heart is full of fiery love.

It is full of the passion to give, the passion to care, the passion to adore.

I have the ability and the desire to give so much from my heart, and that is why I won't be your 4 AM call.

I don't want to be yours only when you want me.

I don't want to be yours only when you feel like you have no one else.

I don't want to be yours only when you need a crutch.

I don't want to be yours when you only want to pick and choose what parts of me you receive.

I refuse to sell myself as less than I am, to give only pieces of myself to you.

Pieces that are better off being used toward myself

So that someday, I can give and love and care even more for someone else.

You let me go.

You cannot have the fragments of me that are still beneficial to you, while pursuing shinier, newer ones elsewhere.

This confidence that I have bestowed upon myself, while although it may be tested, will not break.

I know who I am.

I know what I want.

I know what I deserve.

And that is not serving as your 4 a.m. call.

If you're struggling, I'll be sound asleep.

If you're missing me, I'll be wrapped in my sheets.

If you're wanting a friend, I'll be off dreaming of a beautiful paradise

Because I am not that girl anymore, I'm not your girl anymore.

I will not be your 4 a.m. call because I was once you're every-second-of-the-day call, and you just can't undo something like that.

I wish you well.

I wish you the best, and I hope you find happiness

But know I am braver than you believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than you think.

And that's why I will never be your 4 a.m. call again.



Cover Image Credit: favim

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A Playlist From The iPod Of A Middle Schooler In 2007

I will always love you, Akon.
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Something happened today that I never thought in a million years would happen. I opened up a drawer at my parents' house and I found my pink, 4th generation iPod Nano. I had not seen this thing since I graduated from the 8th grade, and the headphones have not left my ears since I pulled it out of that drawer. It's funny to me how music can take you back. You listen to a song and suddenly you're wearing a pair of gauchos, sitting on the bleachers in a gym somewhere, avoiding boys at all cost at your seventh grade dance. So if you were around in 2007 and feel like reminiscing, here is a playlist straight from the iPod of a middle schooler in 2007.

1. "Bad Day" — Daniel Powter

2. "Hips Don't Lie" — Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

SEE ALSO: 23 Iconic Disney Channel Moments We Will Never Forget

3. "Unwritten" — Natasha Bedingfield

4. "Run It!" — Chris Brown

5. "Girlfriend" — Avril Lavigne

6. "Move Along" — All-American Rejects

7. "Fergalicious" — Fergie

8. "Every Time We Touch" — Cascada

9. "Ms. New Booty" — Bubba Sparxxx

10. "Chain Hang Low" — Jibbs

11. "Smack That" — Akon ft. Eminem

12. "Waiting on the World to Change" — John Mayer

13. "Stupid Girls" — Pink

14. "Irreplaceable" — Beyonce

15. "Umbrella" — Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

16. "Don't Matter" — Akon

17. "Party Like A Rockstar" — Shop Boyz

18. "This Is Why I'm Hot" — Mims

19. "Beautiful Girls" — Sean Kingston

20. "Bartender" — T-Pain

21. "Pop, Lock and Drop It" — Huey

22. "Wait For You" — Elliot Yamin

23. "Lips Of An Angel" — Hinder

24. "Face Down" — Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

25. "Chasing Cars" — Snow Patrol

26. "No One" — Alicia Keys

27. "Cyclone" — Baby Bash ft. T-Pain

28. "Crank That" — Soulja Boy

29. "Kiss Kiss" — Chris Brown

SEE ALSO: 20 Of The Best 2000's Tunes We Still Know Every Word To

30. "Lip Gloss" — Lil' Mama

Cover Image Credit: http://nd01.jxs.cz/368/634/c6501cc7f9_18850334_o2.jpg

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13 Quotes For All Of Us Empowered Female-Identifying People Out There

For the days when you need to be reminded that you are really doing the dang thing and doing it well.

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For the days when you need to be reminded that you are really doing the dang thing and doing it well.

1. Do you really need someone else's permission, acceptance, wink, or nod, or are you ready to give these to yourself? -The Universe

I get notes from the Universe everyday and all of them are so amazing and inspiring. There might be a few of them on this list. You can sign up for your own notes from the universe here.

2. The princess saves herself in this one. -Amanda Lovelace

The quote is based off a book called The Princess Saves Herself In This One, which is a collection of poetry about resilience, you can get the book here.

3. I'm made of more than you think. -Snow White, Mirror, Mirror

4. Other people's perception of you ain't none of your business. -Lisa Nichols

CLAPPING HANDS EMOJI.

5. Do you realize how many events and choices that had to occur since the birth of the universe leading to the making of just exactly the way you are? -Mrs. Which, A Wrinkle In Time

I love this because it really hits home how so many right and wrong decisions led to the creation of you and how you should appreciate the good and the bad because without either of them you wouldn't be exactly who you were supposed to be.

6. You can't stop what's done to you. You can only survive it. -Rachel, Georgia Rule 

This brings up an important theme of my life that I'm still trying to figure out. The only thing you can control in your life is how you react to what happens to you.

7. Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. -Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You

8. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Queen Clarisse, The Princess Diaries

9. No trifling of the past, no matter how great, can tarnish the brilliance of eternity. -The Universe

10. People who are insignificant to your future shouldn't have an impact on your present.

Someone once told me this, and although I can't remember the person, this quote has always stuck with me.

11. Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before. -Lady Gaga

You know what... I think she was talking about you.

12. Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it an affirmation. Eat, sleep, breathe it, and you life shall be transformed. -The Universe

13. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. -Mark Twain 

Go on then, be empowered and trust your instincts, you've got big things coming... I can tell.

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