Not every relationship that we make with people is good. I don't just mean with significant others, I mean with friends as well. I'm not talking about extreme cases of abuse, I'm referring just to those people who you get close with and who sometimes end up toxic for you. It's not about the people who you love and are close with that, maybe, you sometimes bicker with or who have weird habits that you don't like. I'm talking about people who constantly make you feel like garbage. You'll hear it a lot from the outside, that that person isn't good for you and that if they're hurting you so much then you shouldn't be around them. It's never that simple and you're not crazy for hesitating on ending that relationship.
One thing that I think people need to understand is that this idea that "if they're making you feel bad, leave them and make new friends" is incredibly unrealistic. You don't stop being friends with someone or stop dating someone and just wake up with a new best friend waiting for you. When you're so close to someone it's not so simple just to let go of them. It can be terrifying and make you feel lonely if you don't know what else you're going to do. Another thing is that when you first started hanging out with this person, they were probably really nice to you and you probably actually liked them a lot. These sorts of relationships can turn, but it's very hard to let go of an abundance of positive memories with someone, even if they are being awful now. Emotions are incredibly complicated. They're not black and white and we can get hooked on them and our old, happy memories with a person that, maybe, other people can't see. There is always the hope that we hold on to that, maybe, this is just a passing phase and when you talk it out everything will be okay. Realistically, though, that's not likely to last.
People can be as addictive as anything else. We can feel like we are dependent on them to the extent that we feel out of place without them. That's not healthy. It's like anything else that's bad for you. Cigarettes, junk food, and alcohol can make you really happy and make you feel great, but they can also hurt you. They're not good for you. You know they're not good for you. Everyone is telling you they're not good for you. After a while, they make you feel really awful, but it's those few good times, that instant satisfaction of a brief happiness, that keeps you hooked on them. Your relationship with another person can be like that too and that kind of relationship is toxic.
You're not a bad person and this friend or significant person probably isn't a bad person either. But, sometimes, there are just two people who really shouldn't be together. It's incredibly hard to cut that loose and, granted if you do, you'll most likely be upset about it for a while. That's okay, you're not nuts for wanting to try and hang on to and work on these relationships. But, let's say that you do decide to let go. You won't be alone and you will feel a lot better.