Sometimes, people come into your life only to take. They take your time; they take your heart; they take you for granted; all the while, you are giving them your all. All the while, you are telling yourself that you are just reading into it wrong, that maybe they didn’t mean to say what they said, didn’t mean to do what they did. After all, people are people, and we all make mistakes—especially in the connections we foster with others. Maybe they are just really prone to doing so, we think, so we tell the little voice in our heads and the people whispering around us to stop talking. Everything is fine.
The thing is, people will tell you that you are the one who is making the mistake. They hit you with a chorus of Move on…Let it go. It sounds a whole lot like the tune that has been running through your head this whole time, yet for some reason you can’t listen to any of it. For some reason, the thought of letting go is as dreadful as holding on.
So we find ourselves hating someone when we don’t want to, handing out second chances when we can’t take it anymore, biting our tongues when all we want to do is scream. We pray that one day, they will hear the wakeup call. They will read words similar to these and realize, That’s me. They will realize that there very well may be a day when we stand up, tell them we know they are not sorry, and walk away.
The fact of the matter is, sometimes we just aren't ready to jump ship. We actually have to wait for that “one day,” and we can’t use it as a threat because even we are unsure of when it will come. There is not always an explanation as to why, and there doesn't really need to be one. It's all about a gut-feeling: you know your time with this person is not yet finished. Yes, your friendship/relationship/mentorship/siblingship/what-are-we-ship/whatever-ship is as complicated, entangled, and terrifying a mess as this sentence was to read. The path you are on leads nowhere but straight down. Although we fear the end, constantly bracing for impact, as people we need the crash-and-burn. It is at these moments when lessons often hit the hardest, putting everything into perspective. Surrender prematurely and you risk the reward of any wisdom that may have come from the mental and emotional battery.
Someone makes you feel high, then they make you feel low, and as unhealthy as it is, you can’t for the life of you get clean. It's okay, and there is a simple explanation: if it doesn't feel like the right time, then it isn't.
Getting clean from a toxic relationship can’t be forced. In dealing with others, timing is everything, so don't be afraid to wait it out. To cling to what is left when you want nothing more than to give up, knowing that one day you will do just that, is not the same as to use someone, or to be fake. It is more of a mourning process and a part of human nature. We avoid the unknown. We want security before we run off into darkness, which is not so wrong when what we have now is already dark enough. We need to witness firsthand the unraveling of relationships, to watch the veil lift away and reveal all the good that is left out there waiting for us, before we can accept and welcome an end. It’s only natural.
No matter how many people feel it is their right to pressure you to get out now, all in the name of “protecting you," it is true that when the right time comes, you will not need protecting; you will not need advice; and you will not need to try. Give it time, and you will be clean, just like that.
