Yes, Cheating Is OK

Yes, Cheating Is OK

She did not steal him from me, she followed her heart; and, for that, I will always credit her.

Before you plot your attack on me, I have been cheated on. I have the platform to be able to make the statement I did to make you view this. Hear me out.

Would I stay with, or get back with someone who was cheating on me? No.

Have I ever? No.

I will never stoop to that level. Cheating for fun, alcohol-induced reasons, attention, a good night out, or for any reason that is not emotional is unacceptable. I believe in that, and I know you do as well. However, if you are cheating, soberly, with an emotional tie to an individual who you do not call your own, then let's talk about it. I've been on both ends, and I have come to an understanding of it.

There's a reason behind it.

Cheating does not only mean physical touch. We always come down so hard on those whom physically cheat on us, but answer this: which is actually worse? Physical cheating or emotional cheating?

I know, no cheating is good cheating, and it shouldn't even be up for discussion. But that's why I love to write because I want to bring to the table the things people don't want to talk about — or do want to talk about but are too scared to. Cheating happens, wouldn't you want to try and find out why?

I have been cheated on, and at the time, sure, I was bitter. I had a notion it was happening before I actually brought it to the conversation or ended the relationship. I thought it's just a phase, things are too good, and he will realize. He stuck with me through a time in my life that no one should have had to deal with me during.

I would have never blamed him for leaving, but that's why we worked. We had baggage and we happily packed it in the same suitcase. We were each other's rocks. We had life 'happenings' that no one else had ever understood before, and you just couldn't pull yourself back from that once you were able to have it (and call it your own). I loved every ounce of him with every particle of me, and why would I throw in the towel so quickly? Almost everyone who cheats regrets it, so why would I make a scene if he would come back to our reality?

I could not have been blinder. Truth be told, being cheated on was the best thing that could have happened to us, and his cheating on me was the best thing to happen to him.

I knew he was emotionally being pulled elsewhere before I had a suspicion of anything physical happening. I still do not have the confirmed answer that anything physical did indeed happen while we were still together, but that does not mean it wasn't cheating.

Our relationship wasn't perfect, but together, we were. We had a routine, we had balance; it was equal, and it was and will always be one of the best times of my life. I felt emotions that I never thought were possible to feel. I was so filled with happiness that I couldn't even sleep—just because life was that good. We were that happy, and I had no worries.

Some people find it so hard to accept the fact that if there is a slight issue, a reoccurring one in your relationship, or if there is that one thing you will never stop arguing about, that it's a sign that maybe it isn't your person. That unmatchable happiness is out there, but it's only in reach if you're open to accepting that it's possible to be even happier somewhere else.

Obviously, as I type this being single, I know now that he wasn't meant for me. We talked about buying a house, we looked at rings, and I was living with him. I thought he was my forever, and if you would've told me at any point in time in that relationship (besides the last two weeks of it) that this was not the man I was going to marry, I would've laughed at you and walked away. I would have never thought someone could pull him from me. But she did.

I hated her at first, but I can't anymore. He was torn; he was constantly upset while in front of me (an emotional wreck, to be specific) and we both knew it was because we were ending. We were so madly in love, but both of us were smart enough to immediately realize that if we were truly meant to spend our lives with each other, neither of us would have had a thought of anyone else. Physically, emotionally, anything. This is something I wish people in relationships would start accepting. It sucks, but it's life.

That does not even mean that the 'other person' is the person for the 'cheater', but that person is the street sign that your relationship needs to stop speeding by.

We always hate the outside person, but when it comes to emotional cheating, how could we? They are hurting just as bad. They are invested on a level that they cannot physically pull themselves out of. It is not an ideal situation, but since we were children we were always told to "follow your heart," why is that so bad now?

My ex and the 'other woman' are still together to this day. I see his smile wider than it was with me, and that doesn't mean that we weren't happy. But he followed where his heart was leading him at the time, and it led him into another universe of happiness. How can I be mad at that?

Emotional cheating sucks. But everything truly does happen for a reason, and once that sucky part is over, it could be the best time of your life. That girl didn't take my boyfriend from me. I broke up with him, I ended it before even knowing for sure, I was the one who left. She followed her heart, and for that, I will always credit her.

I've tried to explain this to so many people: people who have been cheated on, people who have cheated, people who are emotionally split. Most understand but refuse to accept it. I get it, but I'm happy to say that I support people following their hearts no matter what. Happiness is not handed to us, and even when we treat it like gold and protect it, it can get ripped from under us quicker than we can blink. So, why not enjoy it while it lasts, and find another happiness when we're supposed to?

This does not mean you'll get away with murder by dating me and then cheating on me. Hell no!

I might just be a little too understanding, but I wouldn't trade that trait for the world. I sympathize with hardships, and I know that people make big deals out of little things. I also know that those people do not realize that the deal is actually a little thing because they never dealt with anything bigger. For that, I am jealous. But you cannot hate them for not ever having to go through a larger hardship. You cannot control the hand of cards that people receive. Some are just luckier than others.

Just because I'm single does not mean I'm unhappy. I am my happiest single. Since my relationship ended, I have met, reconnected, and fallen for some of the most amazing people. The strangers I meet have made me feel things from an initial conversation that guys I have a huge past with have never made me feel.

You never know what someone is about to mean to you.

And I think that, within itself, is something worth waking up excited over every day. I am a true believer in timing and that every single person you meet is meant to have their own time in your life.

I have been reconnected with people due to the most unfortunate circumstances, but things happen in a crazy way; I will always pat myself on the back for being able to say that I gave my time to people I feel deserve it, regardless of the circumstances.

And that has yet to backfire on me.

Cover Image Credit: Cheyenne Santoro

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.

They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

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To The Boy I Fell In Then Out Of Love With, A Final Message

I want people to understand it is VERY possible to fall in love with the wrong person.


It wasn't right.

And as much as it pains me to come to this realization, it's also liberating.

I fell in love with you. But I fell in love with the wrong person.

I'm sorry for trying to change you. I'm sorry for trying to reconstruct who you are as a person. But, because I now see these red flags and understand the emotional exhaustion we caused each other, I know now it can't work. I had too much hope in the potential — the what could have been. The impossible. I envisioned the ideal, picturesque relationship with you. I thought that if you changed the things I wanted you to change, everything would be fine. I couldn't force you to do that, though. I couldn't keep forcing anything.

There are so many beautiful things about you I will cherish forever.

I see so much good in you that a lot of people couldn't. Our relationship was special and strong in certain ways. You were the first person I ever really fell for. And for that, I will hold a place in my heart for you that will never, ever leave, no matter who comes into my life.

You are irreplaceable.

That being said, it's important to also note where things went wrong. Where things just couldn't be fixed. Where tireless effort just wasn't worth it anymore.

Love isn't supposed to be easy, but it also shouldn't be nearly as difficult as we made it out to be. I'm sorry we couldn't love each other. Maybe in another time or another life, it will be different. But it won't work now.

To the boy I fell in love with, I loved you, but I can't be with you.

I want people to understand it is VERY possible to fall in love with the wrong person. Red flags can pervade, but you will push them under the table because you don't want them to be true. I want people to realize you can still find so much good in a person and fall for a person for so many different reasons, but they STILL aren't right for you. All of this is real and valid and NEEDS to get addressed. If not, you will find yourself in an endless, toxic cycle of hurt and heartache.

Below, I've attached an article written by Kristine Fellizar entitled "20-Easy-To-Miss Signs You're In Love With The Wrong Person." I would make a list myself, but I feel like her list explicates this topic well, and I related to many of the ideas embedded in her piece.

Don't look at your past relationships as a mistake. Learn and grow from one another. Find that person that shouldn't have to change anything for you. You deserve a love that is wholesome and worth it.

You can be happy. Love someone for them. No more molding. No more wishful thinking. Just loving.

Easy, simple loving.

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