Let's talk about the "A" word. No, not that one. I mean "anxiety". The one that makes you feel like an elephant is sitting on your chair while you were already there. It seems like no one wants to talk about it, but the fact is, anxiety can't continue to just be the elephant in the room.
Anxiety is a disease. It's crippling. It's dehumanizing. It's terrifying. It's not a love story. It's not beautiful. It's not something to imitate. It's not attention seeking.
It's crying in your room because someone put too much pepper in the mac n' cheese. It's sitting in a corner hyperventilating in your best friend's kitchen because you can't figure out your math homework. It's hiding in the fridge at work trying to catch your breath. It's holding back tears because your professor didn't see you raising your hand with a question. It's fighting to go to class because you're under just too much stress. It's late nights staring at the walls, counting tiles just to distract yourself from the constant worries plaguing your consciousness long enough to fall asleep.
I'll be honest with you guys. I have an anxiety disorder that is caused by my depression. It's usually not bad enough that I need medication, but lately, I've been wondering. That list we just went through is not an exaggeration. I have done each of these things, most within the past two weeks. It's bad enough that people who don't normally notice my anxiety are noticing. It's so bad that I have to bring back my mask if I don't want everyone asking if I'm okay. However, I don't hide it from those who care.
Over time, I have learned the hard way that the more you try to ignore anxiety, the worse it gets. It's kind of like a poison that strengthens over time. You wouldn't just let that poison go unchecked, would you? Yet, anxiety makes you think that no one will actually care. It makes you think that you're an outsider. It makes you think that you can't actually prove that you are strong. It makes you want to give up. The more you ignore it, the more you start listening. The more you listen, the more of an impact on your life that anxiety will have. For example, I get stomach ulcers when I stress myself out too much. Another example: a friend of mine has IBS because of it. The more this person becomes stressed to the max, the more likely these issues will flare. Sometimes, they don't even have to be stressed. Now, their life will forever be affected because of anxiety. I've watched this person go through so much, yet they can't see past the anxiety that says no one cares.
I want you to know that you are not alone. Anxiety is a battle that is won in numbers. You have to talk with your friends to be able to fight it. You have to talk to your family. If that doesn't work, seek outside help. See a councilor. Get help. Don't try to fight on your own, because that makes it so much harder. I went through counseling for several years, and you would be surprised how much of my life would be different if I hadn't. So please, don't play the tragic hero and try to fight this dragon on your own, because that dragon is actually a hydra. (For those who don't know, hydras have multiple heads. When you cut off one head, two more heads grow in it's place. They're in Greek mythology if you're curious.) While you need a plan of action to fight a dragon, you need a much more complicated one to defeat a hydra, and you certainly can't beat it on your own.
I use this analogy because sometimes, we need to be reminded that there's a reason we crave friendships. There's a reason we seek human interaction, even if we are hard core introverts. There are some battles that can't be won single handedly, and anxiety is one of them. Sometimes you can avoid on of it's heads, but that's not solving the problem itself. So seek help, whether that be from a friend, loved one, or professional help.
And last but not least, I believe in you. I know you can do it. Don't give up. Sometimes, giving up would be the easiest thing to do, but please don't. Even the strongest warriors need help sometimes. So remember, you are stronger than you know.