A list of why I personally find it painful and hard to talk about, write, and process trauma.
1. I have nothing to say.
2. I want to say everything.
3. I want to say nothing.
4. I want to scream all the things.
5. I don't know what matters anymore.
6. I'm still processing.
7. I don't want to be triggered.
8. I am constantly triggered.
9. I am so done being victimized.
10. I want to retreat. Writing makes me look inside.
11. I don't want to be blamed.
12. I blame myself.
13. Too soon.
14. Not ready.
15. Too painful.
16. Anxiety that seems tangible.
17. Depression that seems endless and constant.
18. Writing and talking can be helpful,but ultimately can't change events.
19. It will require a lot of leg work.
20. I'm tired.
21. I feel small. Because abuse and assault is about control and being victimized makes you feel as if you've lost control.