There must be a confusion the world has when it comes to size, and I don't mean body size—that is another issue. I'm positive everyone has heard the argument before smaller is better or bigger is better, more people like men with bigger "friends," being small isn't a deal breaker, the motion of the ocean is what counts, etc. Yeah, a lot of us have thought about this before at some point. Some of use might already have a strong opinion and sway one way rather than the other. But does size actually matter? I believe it does. But I'm not talking about the thing we all assume we mean when we say size matters. No, I'm talking about nipples.

Yes, it's bizarre. Some might say it makes no sense but when it comes to size, nipple size definitely matters. Like the saying goes: "The eyes are the window of the soul." I think nipples are the maps of what lies in the heart.

It's been in my experience that men with small nipples have a lot of things they need to work on and happen to be dicks, douchebags and occasionally rude. I don't know what it is exactly but my particular fascination with nipples has brought me many lessons. Smaller nipples can be a sign for a big ego. It doesn't matter who he is or what he looks like, the nipples make the man. Small nipples, small minded. OK, I may be going over board with this. Nipples are just well nipples, but hear me out.

Nipples can tell you a lot. The size is not always the key to understanding the owner of the nipples. The shape, the color, the texture, the distance etc. I could honestly go on about why nipples may be an important factor when you want to know someone.

I get it, body positivity. It's important not to shame someone for their nipples or for anything. This is all purely an odd interest based on assumptions, but let me give you a little story that may be helpful (I know, thanks, Mom—is this the fifth grade?).

There once was a girl, me (Oh yeah, I'm going to tell it like the corny bitch I am) who liked a boy. There had to be many signs (like a million), but the girl ignored them all. She saw his nipples and didn't like them. They were small, light, maybe too light for his skin complexion (really pay attention to that, just saying), but she didn't care. I know sounds like a good start, right? Let me break it up now because it wasn't.

The small nipples were a sign. He was a dick. There is more to the story but as a friendly writer I won't put anyone through that torture or myself.

The important thing is I had a realization. Guys with small nipples are not my thing. Maybe what I mean when I say size matters is, do the nipples fit the person? Not the owner of the nipples but the person who wants to be with said owner of nipples. (Wow, bet you thought you'd never read that.) Honestly, this theory is very ridiculous and I completely agree, but don't tell me the truth until you've tested for yourself. Next time your interested in a masculine person make sure you know their nipples before you make a big decision to pursue them or marry them or simply sleep with them. I haven't tested this theory on women, but might as well slip in #FreeTheNipple because, honestly!