Donald Trump: The Donald, The Don Man. Before June of this year, he was known for his brilliance in investment, his world-class hotels, his super fly hair, and of course, his outstanding acting on his trendy show, "The Celebrity Apprentice." The show demonstrated how generous and kind The Don really is by demonstrating his clear superiority over some of the smartest and most beloved celebrities of our generation.

And then, on one fateful Tuesday in June, one of the richest men in the country, who we thought could not surprise us any further, threw a curve ball. Although he has no previous political experience, Donald Trump declared himself not just a candidate, but, officially, the next president of the United States. Because, as the man himself said, it is most likely better off that he has absolutely no political experience. This is since, after all, "One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”And to that I say," Hi Donald, welcome to politics. You will fit right in."

And fit in Donald Trump did. Trump did politics right, just the way that the founding fathers intended: by bashing his opponents, insulting the current government, and attracting lots of media attention.

How The Don Showed Us His Greatness

The Don Man is defining his strengths in the most clear and effective possible way: by pointing out the weaknesses of his opponents. Now, Donald is not even competing with the Democrats yet, but in his brilliant mind he is, because he is the only candidate brave enough to declare at the first debate that he will run for president regardless of whether or not the rest of the country has yet realized he is the perfect president, even if it means running as an independent. After all, running as a third party will only draw votes away from the other Republicans running and Donald Trump is the only viable Republican anyways.

So Mr. Trump skipped to what really matters – the Democrats. Now, Trump has rightfully stayed a distance away from Bernie Sanders, scared that if he gets too close, he might catch his socialism, and confident that a man who does not dye his hair could never represent this country. But Hilary, the favorite for the Democratic nomination, really got a mouthful from Donald. And rightfully so. After all, the last time she had a high ranking political position was almost a whole year ago, and as previously stated, good people do not involve themselves in politics. But Trump is too noble to just leave it at that. As he said in a recent interview, "I am more inclusive than anybody," and therefore had to also bring her husband, previous president Bill Clinton, into his argument against her.

Donald Trump declared with finality: "If she can not satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?"And the Don is correct, this country has proven, especially recently, that sexuality is not a spectrum and sex is the most important part of a relationship. The magnificent Don expounds upon the importance of sexuality in politics with his comment, "You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media writes as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass."

Well, since that is all that matters, we might as well put him in office right now and not even wait for the election because he has his beautiful daughter – about whom Trump says, "if she were not my daughter I would be dating her."

So with his hot daughter(s) by his side, Donald has clearly displayed his political strengths, and let us just say that this is not even a competition anymore.

Donald Trump is Going to Turn This Country Around.

The Don Man has shown, through his campaign, not only why potential future presidents are not viable, and that his hair is, in fact, real, but also why the current and past presidents were not viable and clearly did not sustain this country. That is why, right now, we are secretly run by China and everyone who goes to the military actually becomes backstage crew on "The Celebrity Apprentice."

But Donald is prepared to turn the country around. He knows that the reason we are having problems is because right now, as he says, “Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people [in office].” But the Don will be smart in office. Smart enough to protect the country and turn the economy around. He even told us the reason employment is still down. How could we have missed it? It is probably because our people in politics are not smart, as he stated earlier. And this big reason is, obviously, Mexicans.

He enlightened us on this issue early in his campaign and elaborated, "When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending the best. They're not sending you, they're sending people that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. ... And some, I assume, are good people." But, most of the entire generalized ethnicity are not, and as the old mantra states, "They're takin' our jobs!."

Now, the great and inclusive Don Man will fix this, he has a brilliant plan. He told us in June to "build great wall on southern border and have Mexico pay for it!"That's even more brilliant, Don, because it will help our economy, too! We don't even have to pay for it! It's one of Donald's most brilliant ideas, besides running for president, of course, and it makes it even more essential that we vote for him. I mean, not that it really matters, since, as he unveiled in August, "I already have the black, Hispanic, and women vote."

But without Trump as president, the problem of Mexican immigration, or as some people call it, "travel," might never be solved. If you are wondering why, Donald Trump and his psychic powers already knew you were going to and gave us the answer. He announced to the country, "Mexican leaders are smarter than ours and killing us at the border and in trade – the U.S. will invite El Chapo, the Mexican drug lord who just escaped prison, to become a U.S. citizen because our "leaders" can't say no!"

And there you have it, conclusive evidence that Donald Trump is our only hope for keeping this country from falling into a drug-induced anarchy! But Trump, his policy, and his wall, which we know from history always works, can save us. And he can also save us from our other useless trade partners – China.

China has been using us as a dumping ground for its useless products for years, like toys, clothes, minerals, and, worst of all, food, and our current government has been letting them get away with it. But Trump will put a stop to all that. He told us, “When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time.” Which is exactly why we need Trump, to help us destroy China and be the best economy in the world. And we do that, not by creating jobs at home, no, but by beating China.

Plus, if you are having any doubts about our Trump being able to beat China, just listen to his "never give up" philosophy:"I whine. I whine and I whine and I keep whining and whining until I win." And if someone thinks they beat him, he just announces their personal telephone number on national TV. It's foolproof! Take that, China!

Vote for the Don

Overall, what it comes down to is that The Don knows the facts. He understands, despite public opinion and scientific "fact," as he publicly declared during his campaign, that “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”He knows that's the only way to save money in this business--sorry, I mean this country--is to "cut the Department of Education way, way down," and the only way to finally bring all our troops home is to "bomb the hell out of the oil fields of Iraq."Eh, we will find other oil, right?

Donald really understands the way this country works, and will run it the way it needs to be run: like a business. Because, after all, if he's rich, he must be right; if the media likes him, he must be cool; and if the hair is real, you should vote for the Don.