I've liked my fair share of boys, and since I've been single for a year, obviously I've made some wrong choices in my relationships. I've been broken down, many times. However, through all my heartbreak, I have never stopped believing in love. I believe love is about never giving up on someone, sharing everything from how your day is going to your family, and making sure that person never doubts my love.When I love someone, I refuse to give anything less than everything I have.
I haven't been so lucky to receive that same treatment. I'm always the person who loves more. I've been heartbroken several times—the kind of heartbreak that is paralyzing, consuming every fiber of my being and every thought in my mind. I've broken down sobbing in the arms of my friends and of my mother. I suppose I bring this upon myself because I am someone who feels every emotion deeply: happiness, love, fear, anxiety, and bliss.
Yet, after every heartbreak, I find a light shining through the cracks in my chest, where pieces of my heart have fallen. My soul begins to heal, and my mood turns from one of misery to one of melancholy, and then eventually I am able to laugh again. Sometimes it takes three days, sometimes it takes months. Sometimes I don't feel it again until I meet another person who can stitch the pieces back together, and sometimes I'm forced to pick myself up, brush off the hurt, and try to remember who I am. But the hope always comes back...I always keep hoping.
I pride myself on believing that people are inherently good and all it takes to bring out that good is the right person, at the right time. I refuse to allow the way others treat me affect how I treat them. I refuse to allow this culture of hook-ups and relationship anxiety force me into becoming someone who I'm not. I refuse to stop fighting for my fairy tale. I refuse to be bitter.
That being said, I've given up on finding that right person at the right time, as I mentioned above. Instead of waiting for the right person to walk into my life, I am dedicating myself to becoming the right person to walk into someone else's life. Even though my naivety and trusting nature has left me broken and shaken in the past, I still believe in love. I have my limits with how truly unconditional my love can be, but I will never give up on someone. I require effort on the other person's part, but I will cheer him or her on every single step of the way to becoming the best version of his or herself.
I don't enjoy feeling heartbroken and crying myself to sleep at night, but I just believe in treating others the way I want to be treated, and I want someone who will love me for exactly who I am. I want someone who will love me in spite of my past mistakes. Someone who will love me even with my obsession with cats and regardless of the fact that if you order fries I will take some of yours, but I will refuse to share mine. Human beings are not perfect, but we should love others not just despite their imperfections, but because of their faults.
I believe in the love of Blair and Chuck, of Ross and Rachel, of Bella and Edward, of Cory and Topanga, of Troy and Gabriella. To truly love someone, you must love others for who they are, and not try to mold them into your own image. When the people you love mess up, forgive them. If you cannot forgive, then you have to forget them and find another who makes you a better person. Love should make you more of who you are, not less. It is okay to feel heartbroken, but eventually, you must allow yourself to lick your wounds and love again. Someone needs you for exactly who you are, although they might not realize it yet. As the great Amy Poehler once said, "Continue to share your heart with people even if it's been broken."