This past week I took myself, my roommates, my friends, and my family all by surprise by going out and leaving the house to attend a social event!!! On a school night!!!
After my brain and body recovered from what I actually decided to step out of my comfort zone and do, I had time to “reflect” on the night for lack of a better word, and it honestly wasn’t all that bad. It was surprisingly fun.
I got to dance, laugh, and I got called pretty, twice. As I laid in my bed with my matching pajama set on, ready for bed, I just kept hearing those words in my head.
“You look pretty.”
“You look so pretty.”
“You look pretty.”
It made me feel so dull. It truly felt like an insult. Not to be dramatic or anything, but if you have the desire to tell me I look pretty, I would honestly prefer it if you would just keep that to yourself. It may be just me, and I’m sorry, but this feels like a tainted compliment. I’m out here trying to better myself, accomplish my goals, and possibly change the world, at least my world. I am trying to be something more than my outward appearance.
Girls and women everywhere struggle with their self-image, constantly comparing themselves to everyone around them, thinking they’re too this or that, perhaps not enough of something, and there is nothing, in particular, to blame for this other than everything. I am all for ladies complimenting ladies, noticing each other's curled hair and perfected outfits, but that's not all that we are. That's not all that a woman holds.
Our culture at large has put such an emphasis on looks and physique, it is almost an act of rebellion to not care. Now don’t get me wrong, I love straightening my hair because I think it looks better that way, I wear mascara on a daily basis, and I start off every morning bright and early at the gym.
I do care about my physical appearance, but our culture demands we be obsessed with it. According to the world’s standards, I fall short in so many ways. But I really don’t want these standards to become my own, I’d be setting myself up for failure. I don’t want the thoughts I have about myself to be negative, comparative, and only about what is visible to the human eye. I don’t want to be pretty.
I want to be bold. Strong. Loved. Exquisite. Breathtaking. Remarkable. Witty. Joyful. Brilliant. Adventurous. Amazing. Wild. Hilarious. Excellent. Delicate. Uplifting. Encouraging. Gracious. Loving. Forgiving. Compassionate. Tender. Memorable. Kind. Selfless. Peaceful. Patient. Passionate. Unforgettable. Faithful. Loyal. Beautiful. Unique. Affectionate. Brave. Determined. Caring. Enthusiastic. Fearless. Gentle. Honest. Intellectual. Optimistic. Positive. Sincere. Tough.
I want to be powerful.
Yes, I am woman, hear me roar and everything, but I’m not just a woman.
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a best friend, a traveler, an adventurer, a groupie, a writer, a musician, perhaps a dancer, maybe even a chef. I am all these things and so much more, and I absolutely adore being all of these things.
If the only thing you can notice about me is that I am a woman, then I don’t want your compliments because you are most likely are only saying it just to be saying it. Much like a coffee cup, if it's empty, I do not want it.
Things like bouquets and dresses are pretty, but I, along with every other living, breathing soul deserves more than just to be pretty. Flowers are pretty, but they are ripped out of the ground only to be looked at and die. I am more than something just to be looked at, I am more than pretty. I have purpose and passion and I am not here for viewing pleasure.
The world cannot determine my worth, and it sure as heck doesn’t get to decide what part of my identity is most important to me. Imagine the difference it would make in your life if you spent the same amount of time bettering your inward appearance as you did your outward appearance.
Your character is who you are and what kind of person you will be, what kind of mark you will make on others as well as the world, and it’s what people see in you that makes them value you and see you for who you truly are.
We are so harsh to ourselves, and frankly, we are harsh to others when we hold them to the same standards that our culture does. People are precious and oh so valuable, and I think it’s about time we notice the endless array of complex details in others.
Yes, a painting is gorgeous, but the thing that brings tears to my eyes when I visit art museums are the individual brush strokes, thinking about all the time, concentration, love, determination, dedication, and passion it took to create that one of a kind masterpiece. I believe people are the exact same way.
