A lot of people have asked me the same question over and over again, "Why did you change your major?"
And it's the same response every time,"I didn't enjoy what I was doing."
That's simply it. I didn't enjoy what I was doing or what I was learning. I was miserable in almost all of my classes and didn't want to do the homework because it felt like a chore and something I dreaded doing every day. I also hated going to class, which I felt shouldn't be the case. I thought, "If I hate all of these classes, don't enjoy them, and don't understand what's going on half the time, is this really the career that I want?"
The answer? No, it's not.
It also got to the point where it was messing with my mental health and where I would stop going to classes because I just didn't understand anything. I think I was having a breakdown once every day. I needed to do something and at that point, I had no idea what. I was stuck. At least that's what I would tell people. That I was stuck. I didn't know what to do or what my true path was.
Was I really meant to have a career? Or was I meant to get a degree and almost completely fail and then just end up living at home with a degree I'll never use and no job?
I consulted with friends, family, my boyfriend, always asking the same thing,"What should I do?" Like I really needed to know. I wanted them to tell me what to do because I had absolutely no idea, but they would always answer with something along the lines of, "Do what your heart tells you," or, "Do what you think is best." What I think I wanted to hear was a clear answer. I need someone to say, "Yeah, you need to change your major to this," but I never got that.
College is already so stressful. For me, it's not just the classes and the money and being on your own. It's the fact that I have to choose what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I want to try to choose that career in less than 4 years.
Yeah, you had all of high school to decide, but does high school really prepare you for that? No. They don't.
So here I was, stuck, panicking about my future. I didn't want to be stuck in a dead-end job that I hated or was really bad at or even both. I also didn't want to end up with a degree that I would never use or would have a hard time finding a job once I graduated.
My problem was that I didn't know what I was good at. I mean, I knew what talents I had, but I didn't know what I would be good at concerning a career. People always told me what I should do and what I would be good at, so I went along with whatever they told me. I molded my life around what people expected me to be and what they wanted me to do.
I wish that I had never done that.
I wish that I would have just said "No, I'm going to do what I want to do and be who I aspire to be," but I didn't. I was afraid that the people I cared about the most would say I was wasting my education or my talents by not doing what they think I should.
But, I stopped thinking like that, and I'm glad I did.
It wasn't easy for me to take a step back and say to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I realized that the only way I was going to be truly happy was to be doing something that made me happy.
So, after almost two years of trying to figure out what I should do, I finally changed my major to something that I knew I would enjoy and excel in. I wouldn't be just another face in a classroom that no one knew what she sounded like because she never talked.
Now I'm doing something for myself. I'm thinking of myself, my career goals, and my mental health.
I changed my major and if you're thinking about it too, don't be afraid to, because there is nothing more important than doing what is best for YOU.