I have anxiety and depression, and the symptoms I have affect my everyday life, including my relationships, mood, and ability to complete everyday tasks.

I’ve started going to therapy and I’ve started medication. However, even though I’ve had these symptoms for years, I still don’t know what all of them are. Granted, some things like sadness are obvious, but there are small quirks that I don’t even know how they started.

A lot of times, I can feel myself being unreasonable and dramatic, such as being too angry for no reason, but I have no idea how to control it.

Yes, I know, “it’s all in my head.” Well, yeah, but that makes it nearly impossible to distinguish between the thoughts that I, as a person, create, versus my mental illness. Often times, I don’t know how to divide which thoughts into which categories, and recognizing these thoughts is a huge process.

Some symptoms hide and some of them contradict. But honestly, one big reason that my symptoms are so hard to talk about is because I don’t understand them fully and sometimes fail to recognize which behaviors/thoughts are stemming from mental illness.

The other large reason is that talking about symptoms of mental illness is deeply frowned upon. Not only that, because they’re illnesses, they don’t make sense at all. So if I say that something makes me anxious, 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t actually do anything to hurt me, and I’m dragging it way out of proportion. The reasoning for a lot of my actions are outlandish.

Plus, talking about my symptoms can put a strain on my relationship, but not talking about my symptoms can have the same affect. A big symptom of mine is pushing people away and isolating myself, and this also impacts my relationships with other people. And even if I am upfront about the way I feel, it’s off-putting to people who don’t understand. That’s the thing though—it’s not easy to understand at all.

Another part of this is because my mental illnesses make me feel like I’m unlovable, that even if people tell me that they will listen to me, another part of my brain tells me that they’re only saying that to be polite. It creates imaginary distance and prevents me from seeking the companionship or help that I desire.

Even though I’m a writer, communicating a misunderstood and unrealistic illness that can’t be seen but causes me to become withdrawn and moody is quite a task.

Because mental illnesses cause actions that cannot otherwise be logically explained, it has become stigmatized and associated with violence. Yes, mental illnesses can cause some people to be violent, but that is not all mentally ill people are. These people don’t choose to be violent, and their humanity shouldn’t suffer from it.

Mentally ill people do not choose to have symptoms.

And because mental illness has been demonized, the stigma plays into how I communicate with other people about my everyday problems and worries.

Having a non-judgmental conversation about symptoms and how they affect millions of people is a great way to start destigmatizing these experiences. This way, it’ll make it easier for others to open up, to recognize that they’re not alone, and allow others to communicate through a system that is hard to navigate.

I want more than anything to have the right words to make other people understand what I’m going through, but even if I do, I have no idea how my thoughts will be received.

Having, understanding, and managing symptoms is a process. A long one. And communicating about them can be immensely helpful.