One thing I've learned that is, in fact, very important to living a happy and less stressed life is paying attention to mental health. This lesson came to me from a year of some very personal mental health issues that, not only attacked me, but affected many other people close to me. These very real mental health issues were both scary and life-changing.
I find that in schools they start the conversation about practicing mental health more and more, as depression and suicide rates are rising. When I got a lesson about mental health issues in school, I shrugged it off because I believed, like many others probably do, that I wasn’t susceptible to them — I lived a happy life.
That is far from the truth. Mental health issues can creep up on you at any time, and everyone can, in fact, suffer from them. I definitely took the lesson seriously, as suicide and other issues are tragic, but I never prepared myself for being victim to them.
In the summer of 2017, contrary to my past belief that I was untouchable by mental health issues, I found myself in a depression of sorts for a large variety of reasons.
Sometimes, it's one little thing. Sometimes it's a ton of issues weighing down on you that cause you to feel depressed. Sometimes, it can be nothing at all.
Sometimes, I would just be sad for almost no reason it seemed. I would sleep every day after I got home until I had to work, and I cut myself off from all of my friends and family. It felt as if there was a huge slab of concrete on my back holding me down, and I was constantly exhausted (despite my frequent naps). I just wanted to stay in bed and put my blanket over my head so that I could block the world out from all my responsibilities and issues. Once I became cognately aware of this, I decided that I needed to get help.
Subconsciously I knew there was something wrong with me and that I might be depressed, but until I asked my mom to see a therapist and admitted that I needed to change some of my behavior, I had denied it. She was very understanding and supportive of me. For that, I will forever be beyond grateful to her.
Shortly after I asked her to help me get help, I was seeing a therapist. For a while, it felt really good to talk my issues out and get a plan of sorts to get myself out of the deep hole that I had dug, but then an event in my life caused my depression to spiral out of control.
All of a sudden, it was more than just crying and not wanting to get out of bed, now it was scary thoughts that I had never had before.
I felt as if I was drowning, and I didn’t want to try and swim back up. There was then a day that I will forever remember that changed not only my values today, but also who I am as a person.
I had told my mom the thoughts that were going through my mind, and she got me some more intensive help. After that day, I saw not what I had lost in life, but what I had. I had so much. I had a supportive family, a future, two amazing dogs, and a mother who held my hand every step of the way. It wasn’t exactly an immediate change in everything, but I slowly changed my life around.
Eventually, I reached one of the best places I had been in.
The fact that I believed that I was immune to mental health issues is what makes me want to let every person know that it is, in fact, very real and very scary. There is no place scarier than your own mind, sometimes. I think knowing that is very important, and it's also important for everyone to practice mental health and take the steps towards getting help if they notice that they are in a bad place.
There is no shame in wanting to get better. In fact, it can only make you stronger.
For every person out there that is suffering from any kind of mental illness, just know you are not alone and there is hope. I lost all my hope once, but I was able to come out stronger than ever, and so can you.
It isn’t an easy feat, but it is doable with drive and a good support system.