Chapman CARES (Creating a Rape Free Environment for Students) will be hosting its annual event Take Back the Night on Tuesday March 1st at 7 p.m. in the Fish Interfaith Center at Chapman University. This event is held every year to support those impacted by sexual violence and is free to the public.
Last year, my fraternity volunteered at the event. We then spent a good chunk of our meeting that following Sunday discussing all that we learned and how much we were impacted by it. The male/female ratio greatly skewed female which is understandable; many of those in attendance were survivors of sexual assault the majority of which identify as women. Yet as one of the men in the room, I felt like I took away many new enlightening perspectives from the event that have stuck with me to this day. Simply put, Take Back the Night changed my life and if you’re a man, here’s why I think it will change yours too.
1. You will become more empathetic
The most meaningful part of the night in my opinion is the open-mic section where members of the audience can share their experiences with sexual assault. It is staggering as student after student approaches the podium and gives their testimony. I was surprised at not just the stories being shared, but the amount of people sharing.
So many of my fellow Chapman students, classmates, and several friends opened up about their attacks. People I sat next to in class, or saw at lunch everyday in the cafeteria. People I loved. When you realize how many of your friends are survivors, it is impossible to ignore the realities of sexual assault wherein a heart change will inevitably follow.
2. You’ll realize women don’t hate you
Personally, I feel uncomfortable going to serious events largely attended by women because I’m afraid they’ll all gang up on me and blame me for everything that is wrong with the world. The irony is that even in those situations, as a man I still have power that I did nothing to earn, but that’s beside the point.
Believe it or not, Take Back the Night is not about bashing men and calling us dirty rotten rapists. In fact, the response is just the opposite. It is so refreshing to see men show up at the event; our presence is welcomed because it is a great reminder that we’re all in this together. It is true that men are far more likely to commit sexual assault than women, but most men don’t rape. When you show up to Take Back the Night, you’re showing your support to many people who need it and you’re acting as an ally, which leads me to my next point…
3. You can learn how to help
Chances are, someone you care about has been sexually assaulted. It is such a common occurrence especially in college culture that it is easy to either feel helpless or to shrug off the matter entirely when it comes up. However, there are many ways you can help most of which are preventative measures.
You will begin to understand the power differences and dynamics between men and women. For example, a man is more likely to listen to another man than a woman. These subtle social dynamics are where we as men can begin creating a dialogue that women often times have trouble getting started without being admonished for their efforts.
4. You‘ll never be surrounded by such inspiring and strong women as these
If you want to know what courage looks like, just ask the girl who reported her sexual assault even when it put her job and reputation on the line. If you want to know what resilience looks like, look no further than the girl who silently attends class every day with her attacker seated just a few seats down from her. If you want to know what beauty looks like, you’ll find it in the girl who channels her pain into fervently showing love to others.
I remember watching as woman after woman nervously walked up to the podium only to set their lips ablaze with a battle cry for redemption, freedom, justice, and solidarity a few moments later. So many of my classmates became my role models, and so many of my role models were immortalized in my heart forever. I think it is important as a man to have female role models other than our mothers and teachers. It’s okay to look up to a girl even if she’s smaller or younger than you, because women can teach men certain values and ideas that another man never could.
5. Our story is important too
Take Back the Night is an amazing opportunity to speak your truth without silencing another’s. Several guys stepped up to the mic last year and shared how they too have been impacted by sexual assault. For some, they talked about someone close to them who was assaulted. In my case, I talked about when I was raped almost three years ago. I remember one guy simply expressed his sadness that these things were happening even though he didn’t share any personal experiences of his own.
This event provides a space for every voice with something to say to be heard, often for the first time. So even as a man, even as a man who statistically will never have to endure sexual assault, your perspective is valued just as much as anyone else’s.
I hope that as many people as possible will prioritize going to Take Back the Night on Tuesday. It is always powerful and eye-opening. Even more, I encourage the men reading this to consider showing up even if they’ve never been before and even if it seems a little uncomfortable. When it comes down to it, sexual assault affects everybody, and we need the men to start showing up if we’re ever going to combat it.