Why It's Important To Be Vulnerable

Why It's Important To Be Vulnerable

And why I'm not.
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Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world.

Letting your walls down. Letting people in. Letting them see you.

Because what if they don't like what they see. What if they can't handle it? What if they don't want to.

And maybe that one time you tried, the person you trusted let you down or rejected you or left. We are so good at letting people see the parts of our lives that we want them to see. And when it comes to me, I think I’ve become a little too good. But the unbreakable barrier I am always so quick to put up between myself and everyone I want to let in are doing me a disservice. Or I'm doing myself a disservice.

Because sometimes, being vulnerable is the hardest thing for us to do, but it’s also the most important.

Sometimes, you need to let people see the real you. All those lost loves and the nights you felt alive and the moments where it seemed like your heart was physically wringing and aching and shattering in your chest. Sometimes you need to let people see all the pieces of your past that have undeniably and irrevocably shaped you into the fragmented yet whole person you are today.

Because they need to know that they're important enough to be trusted with those pieces. Because they’ve probably felt it all and had the faded relationships and infinite dusk-turned-daybreaks and heartaches, too. Because they need to know that there’s an actual human soul behind the smile you present to the world everyday. And because if you don’t, you won’t ever truly connect with them.

It’s the hardest thing in the world to let people see you for all you are, stripped of all pretenses. It's so much more intimate than any physical touch. That's why being vulnerable and real—being weak—is also being strong.

We've made ourselves believe that weakness and strength can't coexist, but they can. And they do.

It’s unbelievably strong to recognize what you want and be brave enough to ask for it, to put yourself out there, to acknowledge that you deserve to have the answer to your “what if” for once. To know that you deserve that happiness. To know that you could live without it—but you don’t want to. It’s the hardest, scariest thing in the world to let people in, but you need to.

I need to.

I'm not good at being vulnerable. But I'm trying to be.

I owe that to myself. And if you're like me, and you're cautious, and you're guarded, and you're maybe just a little tired of being your own worst enemy—I hope you know that you owe it to yourself, too.

Let's be unafraid to be afraid.

Cover Image Credit: Storyblocks

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Bailey Posted A Racist Tweet, But That Does NOT Mean She Deserves To Be Fat Shamed

As a certified racist, does she deserve to be fat shamed?
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This morning, I was scrolling though my phone, rotating between Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube and Snapchat again, ignoring everyone's snaps but going through all the Snapchat subscription stories before stumbling on a Daily Mail article that piqued my interest. The article was one about a teen, Bailey, who was bullied for her figure, as seen on the snap below and the text exchange between Bailey and her mother, in which she begged for a change of clothes because people were making fun of her and taking pictures.

Like all viral things, quickly after her text pictures and harassing snaps surfaced, people internet stalked her social media. But, after some digging, it was found that Bailey had tweeted some racist remark.

Now, some are saying that because Bailey was clearly racist, she is undeserving of empathy and deserves to be fat-shamed. But does she? All humans, no matter how we try, are prejudiced in one way or another. If you can honestly tell me that you treat everyone with an equal amount of respect after a brief first impression, regardless of the state of their physical hygiene or the words that come out of their mouth, either you're a liar, or you're actually God. Yes, she tweeted some racist stuff. But does that mean that all hate she receives in all aspects of her life are justified?

On the other hand, Bailey was racist. And what comes around goes around. There was one user on Twitter who pointed out that as a racist, Bailey was a bully herself. And, quite honestly, everyone loves the downfall of the bully. The moment the bullies' victims stop cowering from fear and discover that they, too, have claws is the moment when the onlookers turn the tables and start jeering the bully instead. This is the moment the bully completely and utterly breaks, feeling the pain of their victims for the first time, and for the victims, the bully's demise is satisfying to watch.

While we'd all like to believe that the ideal is somewhere in between, in a happy medium where her racism is penalized but she also gets sympathy for being fat shamed, the reality is that the ideal is to be entirely empathetic. Help her through her tough time, with no backlash.

Bullies bully to dominate and to feel powerful. If we tell her that she's undeserving of any good in life because she tweeted some racist stuff, she will feel stifled and insignificant and awful. Maybe she'll also want to make someone else to feel as awful as she did for some random physical characteristic she has. Maybe, we might dehumanize her to the point where we feel that she's undeserving of anything, and she might forget the preciousness of life. Either one of the outcomes is unpleasant and disturbing and will not promote healthy tendencies within a person.

Instead, we should make her feel supported. We all have bad traits about ourselves, but they shouldn't define us. Maybe, through this experience, she'll realize how it feels to be prejudiced against based off physical characteristics. After all, it is our lowest points, our most desperate points in life, that provide us with another perspective to use while evaluating the world and everyone in it.

Cover Image Credit: Twitter / Bailey

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To The Girl Who's Always Busy

I have never known what it's like to sit and do nothing, I have always been busy and on the go but I truly wouldn't have it any other way. So here I am writing this not only to share what it's like but as a reminder to myself, here's some advice to girls just like me…

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Breathe.

Sit back and breathe. That is one thing I wish someone would have told me. Don't overwork yourself, leave some me time in your schedule, I promise it will all work out. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there - timing is everything.

I have always had a busy schedule, trying to balance school, work, homework, social life, family time. If it wasn't one thing it was another. You feel like you never slow down. You basically live out of your car and always apologize when someone gets in because half of your closet is in there. You feel like you have to make plans well in advance just so you can make sure it happens and something else doesn't get in the way. And then once in a blue moon when you do get a second of free time, you feel like you should be doing something, so you get up and go do - sound familiar?

Haha yeah, that's me. I've gotten to the point if I have a "lazy day," I feel guilty. I should be doing something, cleaning, making a list, something at least.

But you know what? It's okay to be busy. It's okay to always be on the go - but it's also okay to carve a little time out of your hectic weeks for some "me time." Even if it is 20 minutes.

From waking up to doing your night time routine, your day is usually packed full of things to do - I get it. Busy is a good thing, but remember to take care of yourself. That's one thing it took me 21 years to learn, taking care of yourself is so important.

Think about it - you can't conquer the day when you don't treat yo' self every once and while.

With that being said, the busy girl with her car a mess, coffee in her hand, scatterbrained and running 100 miles per hour - you do you, girlfriend. You got this, nothing can slow you down.

And remember, any girl is unstoppable with a coffee (or tea if you prefer) in her hand, and Jesus in her heart!

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