As we are in the beginning of summer, there are wedding bells that can be heard around us. Couples are taking a huge step of commitment by saying “I do” as they start a new chapter in their relationship where they become one. It is a beautiful time of year where we can be happy for these people and give them blessings for a promising future together. However, we need to keep in mind that just because marriage brings happiness to some people’s lives does not mean that it is a good decision for everyone. In fact, there can be some cases where it can cause struggling in people’s lives. If a couple were to get married for the wrong reasons it can become a hardship for those people. I believe that there are questions one must answer to ensure that his or her lifelong commitment to another is a prosperous one.
Who Are You?
It is a common occurrence that some people let their relationships with other people be what defines them as a person. They let the need for intimacy with another person become such an all-consuming part of their lives that everything else loses focus. This can be a lot more dangerous than what we realize because they are not putting enough focus on themselves. In order to know who we are compatible with we must first know who we are. People should take the time to discover their identity, aspirations, and beliefs so that they can surround themselves with people who will actually further them to the road of self-discovery. Every person deserves to discover the reason of his or her existence. There is no better time to do this then when we are out on our own in the world with little obligation to other people. I think that it is crucial that we take advantage of this time for personal growth before creating ties of obligation to other people.
Are You Half or Are You Whole?
I am not a fan of this of “two halves of a whole heart” idea. I am also not a fan of the “this person makes me complete” comment either. I don’t believe marriage was ever supposed to be two half pieces that become one complete piece, but rather two whole pieces that create something that they would not achieve individually. The reason why I think this is because a person who feels incomplete usually has an incredible amount of insecurities. People may not realize it at the time, but insecurities can be the cracks of a foundation that a relationship is based on. People should not try to fix their insecurities through other people because that creates an unhealthy dependence that can strain a relationship. We should want to be secure in ourselves so that we can give to others. A person cannot give to a significant other what they do not have, so we should all want to be completely whole so that our love with them can be whole.
What is Your Reason?
I feel like the best reason to get married is because the person you’re with truly enhances your quality of life and makes you a better person: that the two of you have a love for each other that is beyond self. When a couple has real love for each other and truly sees themselves spending the rest of their lives together it is honestly a wonderful and beautiful thing. However, this is unfortunately not the mindset of some people when they are seeking a significant other. From what I have seen in the peers around me that some people feel like they’re only happy when they have a relationship intact. Evolution has taught us that a person is successful when we have another person that we can form a relationship with and reproduce with. This mindset hasn’t gone away despite the fact that it is a fossil of a concept and doesn’t exactly fit into our developed society as it used to. People are much more than this mindset, and we now live in an environment that we can afford to find happiness in different ways. A person might as well take his or her time thinking about a relationship before making a commitment to see the motivation behind the commitment. If it is one for a selfish reason such as a need for a relationship, then I believe you have the time to afford to wait and reevaluate. However, if it one for reasons beyond self, such as a person has a love that serves his or her significant other more than himself or herself and vice versa, then that is a wonderful start to making a lifetime commitment to one another.
I made this article because the topic has been on my mind recently. I personally do not want to get married, and I am perfectly content with this decision. I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be self-sufficient than try to find stability in another person. However, there have been people in my life that are worried about me and think that I am not happy with my life. I was interested in their reasoning and thought about the possible thought processes that might be behind their concerns. I will say right now that I am happy with how my life is going because I am at a point where I am growing spiritually, professionally, academically, and emotionally. I want to focus on this growth for right now because that is what is making me content. As much as I appreciate people’s concern about my happiness, I do not believe I need a relationship. I want to see the person I am becoming before I begin to introduce her to others because happiness starts with self before it can go beyond self.
