I'm scared of showing my writings.

Pages and pages of blood, sweat, and tears never to see the light of day. Weeks spent meticulously writing and planning my next story, thousands of words secret to everyone but myself. Am I doing my writings wrong by hiding them in dark rooms, locked away in neat little files on my computer? Or am I doing myself wrong by never expressing myself and living in fear of rejection and letting myself become vulnerable?

Fear of rejection practically overwhelms me. The thought of people not liking my writing terrifies me. Yes, I'm okay with rejection and I'm aware many doors will be slammed in my face. So, not everyone is going to like my work. Yet, I'm still scared to show the world. If not everyone would enjoy it, why bother to show it? The idea of someone nit-picking my creativity hurts and I could only imagine I'd convince myself. I can protect my writings and manage to convince myself I'm a decent writer despite my awful grammar and the occasional plot hole.

Then letting myself become vulnerable is a different story. When I show off my work and someone enjoys it, I'm proud of myself. But, then that person sees a different side of me. They see the dark thoughts at 2 AM and the storybook I'd been crafting for hours upon hours. I become as exposed as my characters on the page, and just as broken. If my characters can stay locked in on my computer screen and the scenery remains in my own head, I feel safer. I'm protected, and my imaginary worlds are too.

And I'm okay with my writings remaining tucked away in their files. It's scary to become vulnerable and I'm not completely ready for that. Maybe one day, I'll be brave enough and until that day comes, I'll keep writing.