Why is it that every time we fall in love, we can never seem to pick up the pieces after breaking?
The way I've learned is that we are so afraid to find something else, something that could leave us a lot happier in the long run. Unfortunately, some of us had to learn that the hard way. The way of being with someone so unappreciative of your own happiness so they could have theirs. In my opinion, the way of selfishness is overbearing.
To the one who first came to me, wanting everything that this world had to offer, or at least that is what I thought. I fell as hard as someone possibly could. However, that is one of the biggest mistakes that I have ever made.
Not a lot of time had passed until the real you began to bleed through. The possessive instinct that you had, as well as the need to know exactly where I was and who I was with at every second of every day. The concept was that if I wasn't with you, I wasn't supposed to be having fun with anyone else. The fact that you stole my phone every day to make sure I wasn't seeing anyone behind your back. Because, if everyone else cheated, so did I.
I wouldn't think anything of it because you loved me, right? You talked to me like I was a stubborn five-year-old because you loved me, right? I was supposed to make every wish you made a command of mine, right? All of these things I never thought twice about until I finally left.
Then, the fights started. The fighting honestly became unbearable, and to this day I still don't know how I was able to handle something like that, especially as fragile as I was at that specific time. But, I'm glad I left because I've never been as strong as I am right now. All because of you.
Did I fight back? Sometimes. I fought as hard as I possibly could because I thought that I could manage to win at some point. Maybe I thought I was strong enough to win, or maybe I figured you would become so aggravated that you'd give up. However, that didn't happen often. Usually, if I fought back, you would turn it around on me to force me to see that I was the real problem. Sometimes I was, so I'll give that to you, but you deserved every bit of anger you received from me. But still, I thank you for being so angry, forcing me to see that I would eventually be better off without someone like you.
Everything became too much, and I finally realized that I didn't need your weight on my shoulders just because I thought you "loved me." I began to see what others saw in you. I realized that living a life without my best friend was not okay and that I needed a best friend to help me through what I was about to do. It was hard because I thought I loved you for so long, but in reality, I had to force a smile on my face when you were around me. Even when you called me, I could sense the tension that stayed between us. But you still insisted that you loved me.
When I finally got the courage to end it, I remember sitting outside, surrounded by my family who supported me. At first, I didn't cry. I actually felt a sense of relief. And then you called me 20 minutes later.
You called to say how sorry you were, and how much you wished you could take back everything. But, I had to follow through with my decision because I knew your game. I knew this was what you would do if I went back. We would be the same as we were.
I'm glad I left because I am a stronger person because of everything. I am able to see what I can do with just being myself and not someone's girlfriend. The best part? I can do whatever I want. I am able to have fun without feeling bad. I am able to make my own path without having to have a specific timeline set to step around in order to follow my dreams.
Thank you, for allowing me to leave. I appreciate everything you taught me about myself and the way I should live my own life. Thank you for showing me that there is a whole new world out there. Because of you, I am far more prepared to meet someone new and unlike you.