Why I'm Glad I Left

Why I'm Glad I Left

... and I'm not sorry I did.
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Why is it that every time we fall in love, we can never seem to pick up the pieces after breaking?

The way I've learned is that we are so afraid to find something else, something that could leave us a lot happier in the long run. Unfortunately, some of us had to learn that the hard way. The way of being with someone so unappreciative of your own happiness so they could have theirs. In my opinion, the way of selfishness is overbearing.

To the one who first came to me, wanting everything that this world had to offer, or at least that is what I thought. I fell as hard as someone possibly could. However, that is one of the biggest mistakes that I have ever made.

Not a lot of time had passed until the real you began to bleed through. The possessive instinct that you had, as well as the need to know exactly where I was and who I was with at every second of every day. The concept was that if I wasn't with you, I wasn't supposed to be having fun with anyone else. The fact that you stole my phone every day to make sure I wasn't seeing anyone behind your back. Because, if everyone else cheated, so did I.

I wouldn't think anything of it because you loved me, right? You talked to me like I was a stubborn five-year-old because you loved me, right? I was supposed to make every wish you made a command of mine, right? All of these things I never thought twice about until I finally left.

Then, the fights started. The fighting honestly became unbearable, and to this day I still don't know how I was able to handle something like that, especially as fragile as I was at that specific time. But, I'm glad I left because I've never been as strong as I am right now. All because of you.

Did I fight back? Sometimes. I fought as hard as I possibly could because I thought that I could manage to win at some point. Maybe I thought I was strong enough to win, or maybe I figured you would become so aggravated that you'd give up. However, that didn't happen often. Usually, if I fought back, you would turn it around on me to force me to see that I was the real problem. Sometimes I was, so I'll give that to you, but you deserved every bit of anger you received from me. But still, I thank you for being so angry, forcing me to see that I would eventually be better off without someone like you.

Everything became too much, and I finally realized that I didn't need your weight on my shoulders just because I thought you "loved me." I began to see what others saw in you. I realized that living a life without my best friend was not okay and that I needed a best friend to help me through what I was about to do. It was hard because I thought I loved you for so long, but in reality, I had to force a smile on my face when you were around me. Even when you called me, I could sense the tension that stayed between us. But you still insisted that you loved me.

When I finally got the courage to end it, I remember sitting outside, surrounded by my family who supported me. At first, I didn't cry. I actually felt a sense of relief. And then you called me 20 minutes later.

You called to say how sorry you were, and how much you wished you could take back everything. But, I had to follow through with my decision because I knew your game. I knew this was what you would do if I went back. We would be the same as we were.

I'm glad I left because I am a stronger person because of everything. I am able to see what I can do with just being myself and not someone's girlfriend. The best part? I can do whatever I want. I am able to have fun without feeling bad. I am able to make my own path without having to have a specific timeline set to step around in order to follow my dreams.

Thank you, for allowing me to leave. I appreciate everything you taught me about myself and the way I should live my own life. Thank you for showing me that there is a whole new world out there. Because of you, I am far more prepared to meet someone new and unlike you.

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Not Having The 'Picture Perfect' Body Shape Doesn't Mean You Can't Wear A Bikini

All shapes and size are acceptable and beautiful.

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Summer has finally come again and it's now the time where everyone regrets not working out to get their "perfect" summer body. I'm here to say that these summer bodies everyone has been talking about are an unhealthy way to look at yourself and can hurt one's body image. If you're a size zero, that's great for you. If you're not a size zero, that is still great for you. There is no defined size that is required to wear a bikini during the summer, and there shouldn't be these unrealistic society norms on who can and can't wear them.

My entire life I was never worried about my size or how I look in a clothing item such as a bathing suit during the summer. I had always maintained a small figure from being active in grade school all the way through high school. Now that I am in college with no daily or weekly (and sometimes even monthly) exercise routine, I have gained weight and started to feel self conscious in what I look like in certain items that show my stomach. I don't look like the swimsuit models that are posted all over Instagram and started to feel that when summer came along I shouldn't be caught dead in a bathing suit or a shirt that showed any part of my stomach. I was beginning to feel bad about my body image because I didn't have the body shape or size that is considered to be a "society norm" and let it get to me. This is when I knew I needed to change my mindset, and not my physical appearance.

Just because someone isn't a certain size doesn't mean they should be shame into not wearing something they like or makes them feel good about themselves. Summertime is all about being in the sun at the beach or at the pool and getting a tan and getting in the water. This things require a swimsuit of some sort. The size and shape of someone's body shouldn't put a restriction on what type of bathing suit they choose to wear, and no one should comment on how they look in it in a negative manner. For some people, it's hard to lose weight just as it is hard for some people to gain weight. Society is always making remarks about girls being "too small" or "too big" or comments that are similar to those and it's putting a negative effect on how women view themselves which makes it harder for them to have a sense of self love.

Let a woman feel good about herself in what she's wearing no matter her size and leave the rude comments to yourself. Whether she is a size 0 or greater, she is still adding beauty into the world. If you want to wear a bikini, then do it. Don't let the negative people in society harshen your summertime fun.

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