I have never been much of the dating type.
The main reason being that I found myself much more mature than the guys my age. I never saw the point in dating in high school and middle school, when those relationships more than likely won’t last, and since starting college, I know it’s more important to focus on my studies than on guys.
Neither one of my parents told me I couldn’t date, but they also never tried to force me to date.
Often times, I see parents who try to live vicariously through the dating-life of their children. I’ve had friends who literally couldn’t go a few days, let alone a week, without having someone to call their “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” More often than not, this obsessive need to have someone’s hand to hold in the hallway between classes came from parental influence.
I have already made the decision that I won’t have any influence on who my child dates or does not date. Here are my reasons why:
Love is everywhere. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, genders, colors, and ages. Who am I to say that my child can’t find love with someone because of the color of their skin, their gender, or because they’re a few years older? Why would I want to take away their chance at happiness because I “don’t approve?” What could be more important to a parent than the happiness of their children?
I honestly probably won’t even know where to start. Dating now is so different from when our parents and grandparents dated, I can’t even imagine what it will consist of when my children start to date.
Most importantly: I won’t force myself into my child’s relationships because I won’t have to.
I see it all the time; parents are either A) too involved in their child’s personal relationships or B) they don’t allow their child to have personal relationships, period.
However, here’s what I will do as a parent:
I’ll raise a child who knows their worth.
I won’t have to tell my daughter that she can do much better, or my son that he isn’t being treated right, because they’ll know the mutual respect and kindness they should look for in someone they are considering to be a potential partner.
I’ll give them an example of what love should look like.
My parents divorced when I was five years old, and while I know it was the right decision for them to make for the sake of myself and my siblings, we did miss out on having that example of love and a healthy marriage while we were growing up.
However, I was fortunate enough to have a beautiful example of love through the 52-year-long marriage of my grandparents. Their love taught me that the most important thing is compromise and sacrifice. Sometimes you give 70 percent and only get 30 percent, sometimes you give 30 percent and get 70 percent. I’ll make sure my children see that kind of love in our home.
I’ll make sure my child is informed enough to know that there are more important things in this world than having someone to be your “Woman-Crush Wednesday” or “Man-Crush Monday”. They’ll have the maturity that will allow them to know that bigger and brighter things are all around them, and that a sixth grade boyfriend or girlfriend really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I don’t see a need to obsess over my child’s personal life. You won’t find me giving them guidelines on who they can or cannot date. I will never influence who my child dates because I’ll be confident enough to know that when, or if, my child makes the decision to “date” someone, they’ll know when the right time to do so it, they’ll know what their relationship should look like, and they’ll choose someone who will treat them right.