Recently, a close friend said to me, “I wish I could be like you.” Naturally I was confused, because my mess of a life is nothing to be envious of. She followed that with, “You don’t need a boyfriend to be happy, you can just do your own thing and still be happy with yourself.” That made me think. First I thought, welp I’m good at being emotionally unavailable…that’ll get me far in life. But I kept thinking, and I am so unbelievably glad that I am not someone who needs a man in her life. I have quite a few guy friends, but I’m talking significant other. So many girls these days put everything they have into their relationship (which is totally awesome and I applaud them), but some forget about themselves.

My boyfriend knows firsthand that I can be selfish at times. But I care about him like crazy as well. I will never be able to justify losing sight of my own plans for life long enough to let a boyfriend change my mind. I know life may get crazy sometimes, but handing control over to someone else is not the answer.

Have a backbone, ladies. Be ambitious, and only chase the boys who want to be ambitious with you. If he is that great of a guy, he will push you to be your best, and not want anything less for you. Never let yourself lower your standards enough to do so. Only keep those around who want you to succeed. And not on their terms. On your terms.

I realize this article sounds like some crazy feminist rant, but so many girls screw themselves out of doing big things with their lives because of a guy who just wants to control them. They allow themselves to be controlled, and even treated poorly. Girls…gain some self-respect, realize your true worth, and you will find a man who respects you.

Just remember, the girl who is solely dependent on a man doesn’t look as good in the shadows as the independent girl standing in the spotlight.