Prayer is essential for Christians and is part of our regular lifeline to God. Nevertheless, there are times when prayers go unanswered. I want to explain why this is a particularly difficult problem for me and hopefully, encourage some of you who also struggle with it one way or the other. Second, I want to conclude by way of encouragement.

Before we begin, I should point out that I am not talking about unanswered prayers within the context of unconfessed sin. Sin is an obvious blockage that disrupts our closeness with God and others. I am talking about situations where it is not clear that sin is the reason for unanswered prayers.

I have prayed for certain things that have seemed to fall on deaf ears with God. I have prayed for immediate deliverance from lust, for my grades to improve (in those cases, my grades got worse), for certain people to turn to Christ (but they haven't), and for the ability to see myself as the Creator sees me – and yet I oftentimes have insecurities about myself that just don't seem to go away.

I want you to understand how truly agonizing it has been sometimes to pray for certain things to happen which don't happen the way I hoped. I want to boil it down to one question:

If I have prayed for deliverance from certain sins, improved grades, certain people to come to Christ, and an accurate understanding of myself in light of God's revealed truth but still find myself sinning, failing classes, not seeing individuals come to Christ, and at certain times, hating myself or loathing myself for my shortcomings or flaws…

Am I not trying hard enough? Am I missing the amount of faith it would take to overcome these challenges? Am I simply too lazy? Am I a lost cause for the kingdom of God? Do I have a faulty view of God that is driving how I pray to Him for these issues?

With respect to God:

Does God not care that I'm struggling? Couldn't He just zap me into perfection and make it all go away? Is there some hidden sin I don't know about that's hindering me from overcoming, which God obviously knows about (because He's omniscient) but either can't or won't tell me about? Why doesn't God just point out to me the reason for my struggles?

If you have asked any of these questions, welcome to a real life with Christ. I say "real" because I doubt it is possible to have a genuine relationship with God without having occasional resentment towards Him for our sufferings and struggles in life. Open communication with God requires just being straight up honest about how we feel at times.

If you don't believe me, just look at the Psalms. In numerous places, the authors accuse God of abandoning them, forsaking the righteous, and seemingly turning a blind eye to the wicked, who take advantage of the innocent and vulnerable. Some of the authors of Scripture seem to be more real and upfront with God in their prayers than we are sometimes.

With that being said, I have some suggestions that have been helpful to me. First, I think God knows that we must learn a few additional things about ourselves and the nature of the battle we wrestle with daily to make progress in having victory.

In the case of lust for me, over time I began to better understand the real goodness of intimacy and closeness with a woman I strongly desired that was only artificially or partially being met through pornography and lust. Pornography and fantasizing over a stranger detach sexual fulfillment from a committed relationship.

Moreover, I also learned that indulging in lust was oftentimes the result of sadness, discouragement, and depression. I tend to become very passive and less interactive with the world when those emotions set in. Pornography and lust do not require any active engagement with a real woman or the world.

Regarding my prayers for academic improvement, I learned that doing well academically requires discipline and focus. Second, as Christians, we are called to live life holistically – with every aspect of who we are – based on Matthew 22:37. We cannot expect to have a certain vision of life that is scattered in different places.

I must embrace a vision of life that places Christ, His kingdom, virtue, good character, and flourishing relationships at the center. All of that requires investment and active engagement. By embracing that lifestyle, I can realistically expect to do well in school.

As far as self-image, being emotionally open with God and allowing Him to remind you of your identity through the testimony of your closest friends and family can be a healthy check if you struggle to believe the truth about yourself.

I have oftentimes struggled to believe that I am a good man because of not being perfect at life (who is anyway??). God is unfolding my story in new ways every year that passes by that I could not have foreseen.

I hope you can see that there is honestly no scripted answer to the issue of unanswered prayers. It is far from a simple matter. However, knowing God and knowing yourself can help tremendously down the road. Sometimes the clues to unanswered prayers lie in at least one of these things.

I hope you are encouraged by these words:

Romans 8:26: "In the same way, the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."