For much of my life, I believed that forgiving someone only benefitted them. I assumed that if I held a grudge against my sister for stealing my clothes or my friends for going out with out me, then I was only hurting them. However, I have come to learn that that is not how resentment works.

Harboring resentment against people or situations can only hurt you further. I have learned this first-hand, and it was not an easy lesson to learn.

Recently, I have gone through a major transition in my life and moved back home from school for a semester so I could go through treatment. Throughout this process I was hurt by some friends, an ex boyfriend, and most importantly myself. I have come face to face with resentment, regret, and the yearning for revenge. I wanted to rectify the situation. I refused to accept what had happened to me at face value. But harboring all of these feelings of anger and malice merely hurt me further.

After months of deliberation, I have found solace in the ideas of radical acceptance and forgiveness.

I know what you're thinking- what the Hell is radical acceptance and how does that have anything to do with forgiveness or healing? Radical acceptance is the process of fully accepting a situation with every fiber of your being, no matter how much it hurts. I gave up a lot to get my life back on track and seek help for my eating disorder. When I went into treatment I was forced to give up my dream school, Auburn University. I lost friends that couldn't find it in themselves to understand what I was going through. I was broken up with by my boyfriend of nine months, over the phone, three days into treatment. I lost my identity- that of an anorexic girl- that of the girl that I thought I knew. I was furious and resentful. I blamed myself, I blamed my eating disorder, I blamed everyone around me. I was so lost in denial that I couldn't move on; I just festered in my feelings.

I refused to forgive those "horrible people" that hurt me when I was at my worst. They deserved to be punished for what they had done to me- I was sure that God would spite them. Hell, if He didn't, then I'd find a way to do it my-damn-self. I was stuck in this frame of mind for months; and I say stuck because it is impossible to move on and grow while feeling that way.

Eventually, I realized that I was wrong. Sure, I wasn't jumping for joy over the relationships that I had lost, I wasn't feeling all warm and fuzzy about my ex, and I certainly wasn't over any of it. Maybe what they did wasn't right, but what I was doing wasn't right either.

They had already hurt me- why was I giving them the power to hurt me further?

So I stopped giving them that power. I stopped going through my days with resentment in my heart. I started to let what they did to me go, little by little. And it was the most liberating experience I have ever had. I felt lighter, powerful, and worthy. Worthy of people that wont hurt me- worthy of a healthier life.

I didn't forgive the people that hurt me to ease their consciences. I doubt they even know that I brooded over those situations for months and I bet that they still don't know that I have forgiven them. But that is not important. What's important is that I have found it in myself to forgive them. What's important is that I have grown from these trials and tribulations and that I have come out the other side free from resentment and denial.

I have never been happier to have been hurt.

As C. R. Strahan once said, "Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim--letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.”